Below is a wonderful guide written by Annie Sprinkle. Everything you’d ever want to know about orgasms…
”Orgasm is no longer a mere biological function, nor the side effect of casual
pleasure… It is the very center of human experience and ultimately determines
the happiness of the human race.”
First I will tell you a bit about the history of orgasm research. Then I will share
with you a way to become much more orgasmic by expanding your concept and
definition of orgasm. Then, I’ll discuss a whole bunch of possibilities for different
types of orgasms and ways how to have them. While there is plenty of information
here about both the male and the female orgasm experience, I will focus more on
the female orgasm. Partly because I am a female and I want to share from personal
experience, but also because many men tell me they want to learn more about
female orgasm as well. So if you are a man that loves women, hopefully this will be
helpful for you in pleasuring your partner.
You Can Do It – You Probably Already Have
If I had a dollar for every woman who’s told me she can have great orgasms when
masturbating alone, but has trouble coming when with a lover, I’d be rich. Some
women tell me they have never, ever had an orgasm. When they tell me about their
difficulties with orgasm, they are desperate, often on the verge of tears. I feel
their pain and frustration. This is no joke. They consider themselves “nonorgasmic.”
First I usually suggest that they probably have had orgasms, but weren’t
yet conscious of them, just as we all dream every night but aren’t always aware of
our dreams. Then I assure them that they can learn to be (more) orgasmic.
I also meet women who tell me they’re very orgasmic, but they’ve heard about
various super-duper orgasms. They want to know how they can have an orgasm that
lasts an hour, or an orgasm that requires no physical contact; an orgasm that
includes female ejaculation, or the mysterious full-body orgasm. Women want to
learn how to experience all of these—and they can.
Are you one of the many women who feel like they could have better orgasms, or
more varied orgasms, or more frequent orgasms? Or perhaps you have yet to
experience your first orgasm. If you are “pre-orgasmic,” it simply means you think
have not had an orgasm…yet. Do not despair. You very likely will.
Almost everyone has had difficulty reaching orgasm at some time in his or her life.
If you have too, it’s likely there isn’t a thing wrong with you. In fact, you belong to a
big sorority—ten to fifteen percent of adult women claim they’ve never had an
orgasm. Far more say they have difficulty having orgasms; some studies estimate
the number to be as high as fifty percent.
The reasons we don’t have orgasms can be emotional, hormonal, or psychological; a
side effect of medication; or the result of communication problems with our
partners…or lack of a (helpful) partner. Far less frequently, the problem is physical.
Negative thinking, anxiety, expectations, boredom, past trauma, and low levels of
desire and passion can be factors. The good news is that, as we age and become
more at home in our own lovely bodies, most of us do become more orgasmic. If you
are not yet into your thirties, you should understand that you are very likely
still just learning, and have a lot to look forward to. How to experience a wide
variety of orgasms can be learned and developed—and is a skill worth learning. We
are going to make you much more orgasmic in a variety of ways, primarily by making
over your mind about how you think about orgasm.
Research has shown that human infants and pre-adolescents can actually have a
simple kind of energy release, which could be called “orgasm”, and it looks
something like a sneeze or a yawn. This was reported in Alfred Kinsey’s famous
study, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953). What he documented was,
“…there is a build-up of neuromuscular tensions which may culminate at a peak—
from which there may be a sudden discharge of tensions, followed by a return to a
normal physiologic state.” But even if we once knew, we can forget how to have
orgasms for a while, or become socially conditioned into not having them. Orgasm is
a natural bodily function. We have to get our minds out of the way and let our
bodies do what comes naturally.
If you’ve been beating yourself up for not being orgasmic enough, (or non-orgasmic,
or prematurely orgasmic) the first thing to do is to stop. Right now, just stop!
There’s no sense in making yourself more miserable, and it doesn’t help change
things at all. Rather than putting terrible pressure on yourself, use love—self-love—
to get yourself where you want to go.
Begin by developing positive thoughts and feelings around orgasm. Whenever you
can, practice the following:
Cheer Yourself On — Tell yourself silently or, better yet, out loud “I am at the
right place at the right time in learning about my orgasms. I love myself
unconditionally, and day by day I’m learning more.”
Trust Your Process — Pat yourself on the back, caress your forehead, put your
hand on your heart or perform some gesture that expresses love and support for
yourself, as you are quite perfect as you are. If someone doesn’t speak French,
would we think less of him or her? If you don’t yet speak the language of orgasm,
that’s perfectly okay. In time and with practice, you will become fluent.
Be compassionate with yourself — Develop acceptance of wherever you are now. Try
to let go of all expectations and self-imposed pressures. Don’t buy into pressure
tactics, whether it’s coming from a partner or from the media or from your own
self. Instead, put your energy into creating the right conditions for you to enjoy
orgasms on your own terms. You will get there on your own timetable, in your own
way. Don’t you feel better already?
Listen to the wisdom of your body — Your body is a great coach, and it’s trying to
tell you all sorts of things. Listen.
If you are already an orgasmic woman, or even a glutton for ‘gasms, I guarantee
there is more you (we all) can learn. If you’ve had any experience with yoga, you
know that it’s a process where you learn more and get better at it the more you
practice. You won’t be assuming the advanced postures during your first classes.
While it doesn’t take very long to learn the basic concepts, postures and activities,
it is only through months and even years of practice that the experience of yoga
deepens and transforms us. Exploring orgasm is a lot like yoga. The basic concepts
can come easily, but it takes some practice and commitment to get really good at it.
Yet anyone can do it.
THE FUN AND FUNCTIONS OF THE ORGASM, or WHY CUM?
Why have orgasms? First there’s pleasure, pure and simple. For most of us,
orgasms feel extraordinarily good. During orgasm, wonderful sensations wave and
pulse through our genitals and, on a good day, can spread throughout our bodies.
Orgasm can lead us toward our more relaxed selves. They can make us happier as
they change our body chemistry, releasing endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, and who
knows-what other biological happy dust the scientific researchers have yet to
Sometimes the benefits of orgasm are simply practical. For example, orgasms can
help us sleep better by releasing pent-up sexual tension. Orgasms can help repair
damaged relationships. Some women who’ve felt frustration and bitterness in their
relationships report that they become much less angry, and more contented and
loving, when they regularly experience good orgasms. Orgasms can make us feel
closer to our partners, open our hearts, and re-boot the romance in a relationship.
Then there’s the energy-lifting aspect to orgasm. Orgasms can put a bounce in your
step, and make you feel more confident and optimistic. If you’re feeling drowsy, I
prescribe a quick orgasm. Orgasm has been known to work as excellent intervention
against writer’s block.
For many people, orgasm is the climax to a lovely evening. It signals the end of a
sexual encounter, like a period marks the end of a sentence. Treating orgasm as the
“end” of a sexual encounter can be handy at times. But beware: orgasm certainly
isn’t the be-all and end-all of every sexual encounter. Unfortunately, we are not
socially programmed to have non-goal-oriented, playful, euphoric sex without
worrying about a crescendo tying everything in a bow. We are taught that sex is
incomplete or unsatisfactory without an orgasm and that when we “achieve” orgasm
we achieve success. So when we don’t, we “fail.” However, as sex therapists say,
“Sex is not a competitive sport,” not at its heart. Making love is a dance with its
own dips and twirls and turns. If orgasm is the only goal we miss most of the tango
by focusing only on the back-bending finale.
Off the Charts
For some of us, orgasm can be a highly spiritual experience. Human beings have a
longing to go beyond everyday reality to a kind of mystical state. Nothing makes a
woman feel more like a real live goddess than a full-body orgasm. We can let go of
our egos and everyday reality for some moments, and feel like we’re going straight
The Big Pay Off:
If you have not experienced sex or orgasm as a spiritual event, I suggest you
consider this: Imagine that you are sitting on top of a hill watching a sunrise. There
are two ways to watch.
1. The Unconscious Way—You are not really paying much attention to the sunrise
at all. You’re sitting there, thinking about the things you have to do later that day.
You feel uncomfortable sitting on the ground. Your mind wanders all over the place.
You think you don’t really care much about sunrises in the first place. You don’t feel
much or see much. The sunrise is pretty, but it doesn’t mean much to you.
2. The Conscious Way—You are sitting on a hill watching a sunrise. You give it all
your attention and go deeply into its beauty and mystery. You imagine the sunlight
filling you until you positively glow. You ponder the miracle of the sun rising every
morning. You feel the sun’s rays on your skin and soak up their warmth. You focus
your thoughts on the sunrise, letting other thoughts go by, without giving them
attention. Suddenly you become overwhelmed with the perfection of the moment
and you are moved to cry. You breathe into the feelings, until it all opens and
deepens into a spiritual experience.
Now try it with a sexual situation.
1. There’s the Unconscious Way.
2. There’s the Conscious Way.
Whether your orgasm is a spiritual and enlightening experience or not is pretty
much up to you. Your orgasm can take over, or expand, or enlighten your whole being
simply because you have focused your entire attention on it and looked for the
magnificence of it.
Orgasm can be excellent therapy. Very recently a friend of mine died. I was very
busy, unable to get in touch with any grief, and I felt rather numb, until about a
week later when I had an orgasm with my lover. The intensity of feeling and the
relaxation from the orgasm allowed me to release the pent-up feelings of grief I
had not acknowledged, and I fell weeping into my lover’s supportive arms. That’s
what I call a “crygasm,” and it’s one of my favorite kinds of orgasms. Many women
tell me they sometimes cry when they come, not because they feel sad, but because
they feel deeply happy and moved. Sometimes our sex partners think it’s weird, or
they may worry that they’re hurting us. But if we just explain to them how good it
feels to come and cry at the same time, they usually get it. On the other hand—and
I believe this requires less explanation for most women—orgasms can also trigger
hearty laughter. I call those “laughgasms.”
Orgasm is a handy painkiller. Once I volunteered to be a laboratory guinea pig for
sex researchers Gina Ogden and Beverly Whipple, who did a scientific study of the
power of orgasm to change a woman’s experience of the pain threshold. They wired
me up to machines that measured physiological responses, then put my finger in a
little mechanized vice that could squeeze my finger—a little, a lot, and fairly hard.
Then they asked me to masturbate to orgasm. They discovered they could squeeze
my finger (and many other women’s fingers) much harder after an orgasm! Why was
I not surprised?
Ya’ Can’t Foil Me
Another time, I used orgasm as a pain reliever after gum surgery, when pain pills
weren’t enough. I had tin foil on all my teeth, a swollen face, and I didn’t look or
feel the least bit sexy, but my lover compassionately applied oral sex, just to make
me feel better and to ease the pain. It worked like a charm. As the late great Mae
West said, “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”
Lust in The Dust
Author of Sacred Orgasms, Ray Stubbs, believes that orgasm generates “primordial
healing energy.” I’m not totally sure about the primordial part, but I couldn’t agree
more about the healing part, as illustrated by an experience I had with my former
lover, Willem De Ridder. He had very bad asthma, and when we visited Pompeii and
spent a day in the dust, he had a serious attack in the middle of the night. It was
one of those moments that every asthmatic fears—medical help was far away, and
the attack was one of those terrifying ones that could have become fatal. I tried
everything I could think of to help Willem breathe more easily, but nothing calmed
him enough to lessen the attack. Finally, in a panic, though sex was the last thing on
our minds, I administered oral sex. He had an orgasm, which relaxed him enough to
take some deep breaths. To this day he swears that that blowjob saved his life.
Orgasm (and sex) also works wonders to ease menstrual cramps and migraine
headaches. Studies show that some people with arthritis can achieve significant
pain relief for several hours after orgasm. It also boosts the immune system,
strengthens the heart, and decreases blood pressure.
Exit This Way
Joseph Kramer believes that orgasms can help prepare us for our death, because
they teach us how to surrender and let go. Kramer isn’t the first to make this
connection between orgasm and final, existential surrender. The French even refer
to orgasm as “le petit mort”, the little death. My friend Norma Wilcox, a nurse,
told me about her husband’s dying moments. He had suffered a long time from
cancer. He actually died having a great big orgasm while she was changing the
catheter in his penis. “It’s exactly how he would have wanted to go,” she smiled.
What are three ways you have used, could use, or would like to use orgasm in
positive ways in your life?
Misappropriation of Fun
A note of caution: anything this good is bound to be misused. Sometimes orgasms
are used to express anger, control and power. Sometimes orgasm can actually take
away intimacy, or become a chore, or be used as an agent of control. My friend
Sharon had a mean boyfriend who consistently withheld his orgasm to make her feel
she was a lousy lover. Another woman I once knew consistently put down her lover
for not being an orgasmic woman. Sometimes women really berate their man if he
comes before she’d like him to. That kind of misuse of orgasm really hurts, and no
one should have to put up with it. And let’s not forget the anti-sex fanatics and
extremists who threaten us, saying that orgasm for pleasure’s sake is sinful and
dooms us to hell. Well, at least we’ll all have plenty of company!
Sit down and ask yourself if there are any negative associations with orgasm you
might be harboring. Does a part of you think orgasm is disgusting, gross, dirty? Do
you find it embarrassing, humiliating, unattractive, shameful? Do you feel like it
makes you a weak person? Or that you don’t deserve that pleasure? Do you
associate orgasm with a negative experience from your past? Does the pressure to
have them or not have them create a lot of anxiety and disappointment? If you
answered “yes” to any of these, ask yourself more about why. These are not
uncommon thoughts and feelings.
Would you like to reprogram yourself so you can enjoy more of the benefits and
beauties of orgasm? Here’s how. Before, during and after orgasm, aim to think only
wonderful, positive, loving thoughts. Rewrite your own internal script by using
helpful fantasies. When you come, simply accentuate the positive. You’ve got
nothing to lose and a lot to gain.
Orgasms Aren’t Everything
I don’t mean to say that you can’t have a fulfilling sex life without orgasms. You
certainly can live a wonderful, fruitful, glorious, satisfying life without ever having a
single orgasm. Truly.
Anthropologists have noted that some entire societies virtually ignore female
orgasm. But happily I don’t belong to that society. I highly recommend the
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN ORGASM, ANYWAY? or HOW COME?
Take a moment and think. Can you describe in words what an orgasm is? Try it.
If this was hard for you, you are not alone. Most other people can’t do it, either.
The truth is, there is no one definitive answer to the question; there are thousands.
When I set out to study more about orgasm, I was amazed to discover how little
was actually known about the topic even by scientists and academics. Since orgasm
is such a common experience, and the experience is among the most pleasurable
most human beings will ever know in their lifetimes, one would think that this would
be worthy of enormous study. The scientific community is not immune to sexphobic
thinking and politics though, and many professionals are not willing to risk
the shame and stigma of doing orgasm research. Even if they are willing, they can’t
get the funding.
Fortunately, there have been a few brave souls who have overcome the obstacles
and devoted themselves to at least a bit of the study of orgasm. They have come up
with a variety of theories about orgasm and how it occurs. These theories are also
known as “models of orgasm.”
Naturally orgasm has been studied and written about for many centuries. But let’s
start with Freud’s thoughts on the subject, which still really affect us today. He
believed there were two types of female orgasm—vaginal and clitoral. (To me,
that’s like saying there are two kinds of fruit—bananas and blueberries.) Brilliant
as he was, Freud believed that vaginal orgasms were the true, “mature” orgasms,
meaning that clitoral orgasms were “immature”. Since he saw the clitoris as a
stunted penis, a clitoral orgasm would be both “masculine” and “immature.” Some
feminists conjecture that Freud said this in part because as a man deep down he
hoped the ultimate orgasm was from penetration. In any case, Freud’s belief
informed much of twentieth century thinking about female orgasm and went far to
screw things up for women (and for men too, for that matter) for a long time. It
got to the point where it was not all that uncommon for doctors a century ago
(shortly after Freud’s time) to remove a young girl’s clitoris if they were afraid she
was masturbating her clitoris too much, or just might try. Oy vey!
From the mid-1950’s through the 1980s, Dr. William Masters and his assistantturned-
wife, Virginia Johnson, researched human sexuality. They studied hundreds
of women (and men) having orgasms in the laboratory. (Doesn’t that sound like a
fascinating job?) Moving away from the Freudian distinction between mature and
immature orgasm, they basically proved that Freud’s theory was erroneous. They
defined the “sexual response cycle” in four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm and
resolution. In so doing, Masters and Johnson made a huge contribution to the
research about orgasm. However, they focused almost exclusively on the
physiological aspects and mechanics of orgasm, which is a bit like saying that life is
about heartbeats, blood flow and sweat glands.
Among the next generation of orgasm researchers was sex therapist Helen Singer
Kaplan. In 1979, she defined three arousal states: desire, excitement, and orgasm.
What made her theory special is that she included “desire” as an important part of
the cycle. This seems obvious to us now, but back then it was a new concept.
Certainly levels of desire can indeed affect our orgasms and our potential for them.
Descriptions of the varieties of female orgasm have been offered by some other
folks. Researchers Josephine and Irving Singer suggested that there are three
different types of female orgasm—vulval, uterine, and blended (vulval plus uterine).
Dr. Michael Perry, a friend of mine in Los Angeles who produces sex education
films, managed to videotape the inside of several vaginas before, during and after
various kinds of orgasms. He said he found four different types of female orgasm,
which he coined “plateau,” “tonic,” “clonic,” and “fusion.” The variables of each of
these and their descriptions are too lengthy and complex to go into here. The point
is that different people have defined various different kinds of orgasms,
categorized them, and have given them a variety of names.
Women Invested in More Orgasm Research
Today some wonderful women are challenging the old models of orgasm. Sexologist
Leonore Tiefer criticizes Masters and Johnson’s classic four-phase model. She
argues that their theory is limited by an exclusive focus on the physical, and that
the psychological and social aspects of human sexual experience are ignored. Tiefer
suggests that when it comes to orgasm, it is important to “combine
psychophysiological sophistication with respect for individual and couple diversity.”
Mikaya Hart, who wrote a book about female orgasm called When the Earth Moves,
writes that, “We need to stop defining sex as merely physical function, and begin to
acknowledge its emotional and spiritual depth.” Some aspects of orgasm may be
impossible to ever define. Clearly we need more research.
Talk to Me, Baby
Then there’s Bob Schwartz, a successful author who teaches a class about
“extended sexual orgasm,” also known as E.S.O. Naturally, I took his class.
Schwartz suggests that sex partners use a system of telling each other their exact
degree of arousal, which he breaks down into five basic levels. They are flat, a little
turned on, turned on, highly passionate, and feeling out of control (too high).
Schwartz says that the idea is to get to, and stay in, an extended orgasmic state
through constant communication with talking between partners. I find it really
difficult to talk continually when I am most excited, but, hey, it seems to work for
Contemporary western sexologists generally define the orgasm cycle as a build-up
of muscular tension in the genitals, called “myotonia,” and an engorgement of blood,
called “tumescence” or “vasocongestion”. With increasingly intensifying sensation
this leads to a grand release of the muscular tension, called “orgasm.” Multiple
orgasms are a repeat of this pattern.
There are only an armful of good books specifically about orgasm; my favorite is
The Essential Tantra by Ray Stubbs, Ph.D. His definition is: “Orgasm is an event
where two or more vibratory patterns change so that they resonate with each
other, and a new vibratory pattern occurs which consists of the initial vibratory
patterns, plus the vibratory pattern of primordial incarnated energy.” Pretty heady,
eh? He has named four types of orgasms: sexual orgasm, light body orgasm, spirit
body orgasm and soul body orgasms. Did you get all that? To translate and simplify,
Ray takes an energy oriented approach to orgasm, as opposed to a physical muscular
tension release approach. He believes that we are more than our physical bodies,
and that orgasms can also occur in our “light body,” “spiritual body”, our “soul
system,” or several of these at a time. Furthermore, he says that sexual orgasms
are just one kind of orgasm; that orgasm can occur while skydiving, climbing a rope,
listening to Tristan and Isolde, during a religious service, etc. I totally agree with
Ray, that orgasm is largely an energy-oriented experience. This is a fuller, more
helpful way to view and define this amazing phenomenon.
Betty Dodson, Ph.D., is a sex educator widely known for writing the first feminist
book on masturbation. Since 1970 she’s been teaching masturbation skills. In her
amazing women’s Bodysex Workshops she has taught many women about orgasm.
She has been my beloved mentor and role model since the mid-1970’s. We are of
like mind on most issues, but when it comes to defining orgasm we differ and have
heated disagreements. Betty basically believes the exact opposite of Freud. She
feels that the clitoris is a woman’s primary sex organ, and that clitoral orgasms are
the real, worthwhile, true orgasms. She feels that women must learn to master
their clitoral orgasms. Although she teaches women to combine vaginal penetration
along with their clitoral stimulation for a “combination orgasm”, you could say Betty
is clit-centric. If anyone can kick Freud’s butt, it’s Betty.
Another famous sex educator, Dr. Ruth, also believes that there is only one kind of
orgasm, the clitoral orgasm. Given how Freud and his anti-clitoral orgasm followers
have influenced so many people’s thinking about women’s sexual pleasure, I do see
Betty and Dr. Ruth’s points. But I know a lot of women that just wouldn’t put their
bets on Clits Rule.
Some feminists point out that the clitoris is a much larger body part than
previously thought, that it has “legs” (“crura”)–I call them “roots”–that branch
down into the vaginal area. So it could be said that vaginal orgasms could in fact be
clitoral orgasms too. Redefining the clitoris as a larger area is somewhat
controversial, and some folks think this adds to the confusion as to what kind of
orgasm is what. But one thing I know is that orgasms from clitoral stimulation feel
really different than from vaginal simulation. Certainly clitoral orgasms are terrific.
But my experience tells me that we can have many different kinds of orgasms,
which actually don’t involve the clitoris at all.
My own definition of orgasm is this:
Orgasm is the pleasurable explosion or streaming of built-up erotic or sexual
energy in its broadest sense. And it can occur in many different areas of the
body, in many different ways.
In my book, if you feel like you might be having some kind of orgasm, then you likely
are. By claiming more of our pleasurable energy releases as kinds of orgasmic
experience, we become more and more orgasmic, live more orgasmic lives, and
develop our full orgasmic potential–which can be phenomenal. Although there are
some fine lines as to what I’d consider or not consider an orgasm, no one is going to
give you a pass/fail grade. So stake your claim.
The same goes for men, of course. Orgasm doesn’t necessarily mean ejaculation.
Men are capable of all kinds of orgasms too that don’t have anything to do with
their penises. Although from what I hear, penile orgasms with ejaculation are
wonderful—and it’s good to remember that they’re not the only game in town.
There are as many different theories of orgasm as there are orgasm experts.
Some theories are contradictory. Others have similarities. We may have come a
long way, when it comes to orgasm research, but there’s still a heck of long way to
Please know that the following information is based on my own view, study and
experience, which can vary from other people’s, and from yours.
Granted my ideas about orgasm (although shared by many other orgasm experts
that I know) are outside the usual paradigm of orgasm used by the general public
and the sexology community. This makes them somewhat revolutionary, all the more
interesting, and I believe the wave of the future.
EXPAND YOUR IDEA OF WHAT ORGASM IS or HOW FAR?
One of the first things we need to do in order to expand our orgasm opportunities
is to expand our idea of what an orgasm is. Let’s begin with a true story:
Left For Broke
A young man suffered a radical spinal cord break in an accident when he was eleven
years old; his entire body was paralyzed and he was left without a sense of touch
anywhere below his neck. There was no hope that one day he might actually enjoy
sex in any conventional sense of the word. He never had a girlfriend, or any kind of
sexual experience, and there was little chance he ever would.
When he was twenty-five, he told his parents he wanted to know about and perhaps
experience something sexual. Fortunately, he had compassionate and loving parents
who hired a sex surrogate (a trained professional who is part therapist, part
educator and part boudoir companion).
The surrogate worked with him weekly over the course of several months, making
him feel safe, and winning his trust. Then she began to explore his body, inch by
inch, to see if there were any places where his skin would respond to pleasurable
stimulation, some place where he might have some feeling. Sure enough, they
discovered an area on the inside of his upper left arm, about two square inches of
skin, where his injury had apparently left him with a modest level of sensory
response. Over time and with much patience and encouragement, the surrogate
brought him to feel an increasingly intense sensual pleasure in response to her
kisses and licks on that one small place.
Coming To Maturity
On the day of his twenty-sixth birthday, the surrogate went all out, teasing and
playing with that spot, sucking and nibbling, to the point where the young man cried
out in pleasure in a way she had not witnessed from him before. The concentrated
sensual stimulation led to an extremely pleasurable energy burst, which in turn,
compelled him to cry out in joy. What he experienced that day could only be called
an orgasm. With tears welling up in his eyes and laughter in his voice, he told the
surrogate that it had been the best birthday present he had ever received.
Perhaps you are not prepared to describe what this man experienced as orgasm,
because it lacked the physical evidence we usually associate with male orgasm—the
blood-engorged penis, the ejaculation, and so forth. But to him, as well as to the sex
surrogate—who had helped her share of men reach orgasm under difficult
circumstances—it was a bona fide orgasm.
The point is that in my view there are all kinds of orgasms, and virtually anyone can
learn to experience them. Like the young man in the above story, some quadriplegics
and paraplegics who have lost or never had genital sensation have reported
experiences that are undeniably orgasmic. If they can have a variety of orgasmic
experiences, so can you.
Then again, perhaps you share the same view and definition of orgasm as I do and
you’ve had similar experiences as I have. Terrific! Isn’t it nice to know that you
There are many types of orgasms that I have observed and experienced first-hand,
in myself, in other women, and in men, or that have been reported to me. But before
I share them with you, I would like you to please take this oath:
I solemnly swear that to the best of my ability, I will not use any of this
information to make myself feel inadequate in any way. I intend to use this
information to learn and grow. I am willing to open my mind to new ideas about
Seize Your Orgasm Opportunities
“It may be discovered someday that an orgasm actually lasts
for hours and only seems like a few seconds.”
Come, I’ve prepared beautiful delicious treats for you. Let me offer you a
Dr. Sprinkle’s Orgasm Sampler
Here is a sprinkling of different kinds of orgasms that I’ve come, literally, to
believe you are capable of experiencing:
1. Genital Orgasms. These are orgasms that occur in the genital area. They
require some level of physical stimulation.
2. Energy Orgasms. These orgasms occur without genital physical
3. Hybrid Orgasms. These are the neo-classics—designer orgasms, if you
will. They occur through physical stimulation, but with an awareness of
energy release or energy flow.
1. BELOW THE GARTER BELT – GENITAL ORGASMS
Clitoral orgasms are the most common and popular kind of female orgasm today.
(Fifty years from now that could possibly change. Who knows?) These are generally
the kind of orgasms most gals long to have, or to have more of. The clitoris is
stimulated, energy builds in the form of muscular tension, and orgasm occurs when
this explodes or releases. A clitoral orgasm can be small, hiccup-like, and just in the
pelvic area, or it can radiate out of the pelvis into an overwhelming, full-bodied
rush. A friend of mine describes her clitoral orgasms beautifully, as being like a
glass of cool water that fills up slowly and, when it’s full, overflows down the sides
of the glass.
Physically, some of the following things may happen: your clitoris becomes engorged
and throbs, your heart rate speeds up, your toes curl, your vagina lubricates, your
pelvic floor contracts, your nipples turn to pebbles, your breathing changes, your
back arches, you claw your lover’s back…and you yell “eeee, yes, yes, oh God! Don’t
If you have never had a clitoral orgasm, or you want to have more of them, what can
you do? The only correct answer to this question, or to any other questions about
female sexuality for that matter, is, “It depends.” You simply have to find what
combination of things work for you, and realize that whatever worked before can
change at any time. Begin by practicing alone masturbating. Here are some ideas
that could help:
• First and foremost, think positively, by replacing any negative thoughts with
• Stimulate your clitoris in whatever way feels best. Some women like indirect
stimulation, some direct, some to the right side or left side, top or bottom. You
don’t necessarily need to start with clitoral stimulation to have a clitoral orgasm.
Sometimes it’s best to start vaginally or labially and work towards the clitoris,
• I strongly recommend that you practice regularly. Once a month, or even once a
week isn’t enough. The more you practice, the quicker you will learn.
• Use a vibrator. Most women learn to come, or learn to have multiple orgasms, by
using a good sturdy vibrator, as it provides constant and steady stimulation. Start
by vibrating the back of your neck, forehead, hands, feet, thighs, and belly to warm
• Masturbate with something (safe) inside your vagina: a dildo, toothbrush handle,
or a nice cool cucumber, etc.
• Relax. Don’t worry, be horny.
• Use music and do the orgasm dance. Just let go and have fun doing a horizontal
erotic dance. Let the music turn you on.
• Don’t analyze, fantasize. Let your analytical thoughts just pass right through
your pretty head. Fantasize unabashedly.
• Focus totally on the physical sensations you’re having. This can work even better
than fantasizing for some women. This is called “sensate focus” by sex therapists.
• Experiment with your breath. Hold it, breathe deeply, then try very fast and
shallow breaths. Not necessarily in that order. Breathing helps you focus on and
intensify the physical sensations.
• Read erotica, look at sexy pictures or watch a good porn movie.
• Undulate your hips. Try lifts and circles and bucking your hips as if into a lover.
• Use variety. Try face up, face down, on your side, standing, sitting, etc.
Alternate between extending your legs and bending your knees. Try masturbating in
a shoulder stand, on your tummy, in front of a mirror, in the bathtub, however you
can! Experimentation is the name of the game.
• Add Kegels.
• Lie with pillows under your buttocks, so your pelvis is raised higher than your
head. This can be a real turn-on.
• Pinch, pull and tickle your nipples. Hold your breasts in your hands, and squeeze
and roll them around the way a lover would. This can be a delightful distraction
from trying too hard to orgasm.
• Make sexy sounds! Moan, whisper, say “dirty” words to yourself or an imaginary
• Go with the flow. Follow your body’s natural urges. If you feel an impulse to roll
over and hump the covers, do it. If you really listen to your body, it will let you know
what it needs and wants.
• Let yourself be wild, free and outrageous.
• Some women learn to have clitoral orgasms by working with a sex therapist. The
sex therapist will usually give you homework, exercises to practice at home alone.
You can contact the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and
Therapists for referrals. Also, now there are actually “orgasm coaches” who can sit
with you and watch how you masturbate and give you pointers. This can be highly
successful, fun, and a unique experience, although it’s not every woman’s cup of tea.
• Don’t give up too quickly. It’s likely that a few minutes are not long enough for
you. Hang in there for an hour if need be, or even longer. So, when practicing having
orgasms, take all the time you need. And take heart—the longer it takes to get
there, the better it can be!
• Try self-pleasuring with your vulva facing into a mirror. This can look really hot
and send you right over the edge.
Tips for the Dynamic Duo
If you find it very difficult to have a clitoral orgasm when you are having sex with a
lover, what can you do?
• First, think hard about why it might be difficult for you. Visualize your lover and
pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that arise. Do you have any fears or
concerns about coming with any lover, or just with that particular person? Are you
embarrassed about what turns you on? Afraid of too much intimacy or looking like a
crazy woman? Worried that you’ll mess up your eyeliner, wet the bed, or wake the
neighbors? Fear a heart attack or spontaneous combustion? You probably can intuit
the answer. Unrealistic fears aren’t serving you, so try to use positive thinking to
rise above them.
• Think about whether there are mechanical reasons you aren’t getting over the
hump. Are the ways in which your partner stimulates you optimal? Are you in the
position that feels best for you?
• Is your partner really taking enough time to stimulate you to orgasm? If not,
explain to your partner that it takes more time for you to reach orgasm. Do not be
afraid of alienating or turning off your lover—most people really want to please
• Tell your partner exactly what you like and want. You can do it! If you’ve
discovered, through solo research, what helps you to come, you must show your
lover the way. Once you begin sharing sexual information with your partner, it will
get easier and easier, until it feels as natural and necessary as talking about what
to make for dinner, but much more interesting and fun.
• Let go of always needing to give. Kick back and totally receive, guilt free. Most
women have been taught that it’s “better to give than to receive.” In some
instances I’d agree—but when we take it so far as to feel we don’t deserve sexual
satisfaction, it’s time to throw out guilt-inducing ideas and receive, baby, receive!
• If you are having a relationship issue, clear it up before you get in the sack.
• If you are on anti-depressants or medications that make it hard to orgasm, talk
to your doctor about changing the kind you take. If you can’t reach orgasm for a
long time because of a drug’s side effects, you might get even more depressed and
anxious than you’d be without the darned pills!
• Lend your lover a hand! Massage your clitoris with your fingers, or with a
vibrator, during intercourse or even oral sex. I’ve never had a lover (and I’ve had
many) who didn’t like it when I massaged my own clit during sex, particularly when
they saw how good it made me feel.
• Add Kegels. Remember these can help stimulate you from the inside, and pump
up more volts of sexual energy.
• Think erotic thoughts. Besides being a turn-on, thinking erotic thoughts keeps
your mind off any worries, insecurities, mind chatter, or negative thinking.
• One thing you can do to help yourself orgasm with a partner is to simulate
partner sex a bit more when you masturbate. Often women have a specific, very
efficient pattern of masturbation to orgasm that works for them. But partner sex
is a different dance–so during your solo practice, move the way you’d move with
your lover, and act as if your partner is there.
• Do anything you can to get more turned on–within reason.
• If nothing else seems to work, you might want to consider the possibility that
the barrier between you and orgasm is biological. If you have pain when you orgasm,
you must discuss this with your gynecologist. If you are an older woman, perhaps
you need to consider hormone adjustments. Judy, the most orgasmic woman I’ve
ever met, was suddenly unable to have any kind of orgasm when she hit menopause.
She was devastated because she loved her orgasms. Her doctor suggested that she
try taking some natural hormone replacement, and she did. Almost immediately she
was back in the saddle again. Certainly many post-menopausal women also have
plenty of orgasms without any hormone replacement.
If you’ve tried all of the above, and you still are not having orgasms with your
partner, please remember that sex without having an orgasm can also be very
exciting and energizing. Simply enjoy not having orgasm. It’s perfectly fine and
normal and even sometimes desirable not to come. Think of it as building up the
charge for the next time you make love, or use the energy for cleaning the house,
or winning a boxing competition.
Go Forth and Multiply Your Orgasms
The phrase “multiple orgasms” is a nebulous term, as it describes a variety of
experiences. It could mean having a clitoral orgasm, and a few minutes later having
another one. Or it could mean having several orgasms right in a row. It could mean
having many small orgasm waves with a big clitoral climaxing orgasm at the end.
Here’s something for you more experienced gals; can you distinguish between a
clitoral orgasm wave and a clitoral climaxing orgasm? If not, then here’s how to
Observe your body closely. Stimulate yourself to the verge of orgasm. Then let
yourself have some little short clitoral orgasms. Hold back the urge to have a big
one. See how many tiny orgasms you can have without letting yourself go all the way
over the ‘cliff.’ Then, after you’ve had several tiny orgasms, let yourself go for as
big a climax as you can. After you try this, you will very likely understand the
difference between an orgasm wave and a climaxing orgasm. A clitoral orgasm wave
is like standing in the ocean, bobbing up and down in about four feet of water with
small waves passing gently through you. A clitoral climaxing orgasm is more like
riding a huge wave all the way to the shoreline, until you come to a complete stop.
I believe that most sexually active women who are enjoying penetration are having
what are popularly called “vaginal orgasms”, but they often don’t acknowledge them
as such because they expect them to feel like clitoral orgasms, and they simply
don’t. I was having g-spot and vaginal orgasms for years before I became conscious
that they were in fact orgasms. Once I realized that those feelings were orgasms,
I nurtured and developed them and let go of my confusion about them, and they
grew stronger and more distinct. Eventually I became quite clear as to what was an
orgasm, and what wasn’t. A simple pleasurable body rush wasn’t an orgasm, but a
very pleasurable energy release or explosion that swept over me at the end of an
arousal peak, was. For me it was a learning process—and a very pleasurable one at
that. I hope you will get the same rewards from your learning process.
In this category are orgasms which occur with vaginal penetration, be it with
penises, fingers, dildos, or a fresh green cucumber. These would include vaginal, gspot,
and cervical orgasms. The borders between these different kinds of orgasms
are blurry—but each kind has a slightly different feel. For me, a G-spot orgasm
feels electric and tingly. A cervical orgasm (which can occur when there’s repeated
pressure on the cervix, which is deeper in than the G-spot) feels like a bass drum
being hit and reverberating. A vaginal orgasm (it encompasses the whole vaginal
area including G-spot and cervix) feels like a big stone landing in a calm lake making
ripples. Ker-plop! However, these might feel differently for you.
Tips for Deep Inside
If you want to learn how to have, or have more, vaginal orgasms, try some of these
• Realize that a vaginal orgasm is pretty easy to have. Don’t make it difficult. Call
whatever you think might be a vaginal orgasm, a vaginal orgasm. It very well could
• Pay attention to those very first moments of penetration. If you are highly
aroused and ready, and your lover inserts a penis, finger, dildo or whatever inside
you, those first moments of penetration can trigger a vaginal orgasm—especially if
you haven’t had any sex in a while. Check it out.
• Try to learn to distinguish between energy building up and energy releasing or
exploding, simply by paying close attention.
• Ask your lover to start with slow penetration, then build it up to go as fast and
as hard as you can take it. Then stop suddenly. If you feel a nice energy release or
burst, that is likely a vaginal orgasm.
• Notice your sex sounds. If you suddenly scream at the top of your lungs, or
make a very deep loud groan, that could very likely be a vaginal orgasm of some kind.
• To trigger a G-spot orgasm, ask your lover to stimulate your G-spot area for a
good amount of time. Some women find firm pressure uncomfortable, but some
women report that they need a lot of very firm pressure on their G-spots to orgasm
from there. Some gals get triggered from being penetrated with a twisting motion
of the fingers or dildo, like a washing machine motion. Some gals come from a
feeling of being stretched open.
These are when a woman orgasms with stimulation of her clitoris while being
stimulated vaginally and/or anally at the same time. Where this kind of orgasm
starts and ends is difficult to tell. One thing is certain, it’s a winner.
What a man or woman needs to remember to bring a woman to this kind of orgasm is
to build arousal levels, keep focused, keep a steady rhythm with only minor
adjustments, and just don’t stop!
2- ENERGY ORGASMS — LOOK MA, NO HANDS!
Nocturnal Orgasms: Snoregasms & Dreamgasms
Did you ever wake up from a deep sleep and find that you were having an orgasm,
and you weren’t even touching yourself or anything? The Kinsey Report found that
thirty-seven percent of American females had this experience at least once by the
age of forty-five. Kinsey called them “nocturnal orgasms.” I jokingly call them
“snoregasms.” Sometimes they are very mild, sometimes really strong. They
sometimes occur with strong vaginal contractions, or they might not. Sometimes we
dream we are having an orgasm and wake up and we are. As there is no genital
stimulation, nocturnal orgasms are a great example of an ‘energy orgasm.’
A Group Energy Orgasm Story
At a certain point in my orgasm experiments, I and some of my peers discovered
that it was possible to simply lay down, with our clothes on, and just will ourselves
into a very yummy orgasmic state.
Once I experimented with this type of energy orgasm with a group of forty-five
women and men at the end of a week long erotic massage seminar I was teaching
called “Cosmic Orgasm Awareness Week,” at a northern California resort. By the
final hour of the seminar everyone was highly energized, excited and wound up. I
wanted people to leave fully satisfied, and sensed they still needed some release.
So, I invited them to “lie down, keeping clothes on, just relax, and without any
touching, let erotic feelings and energy rise to the surface.” Imagine, if you will, a
group of folks, lying on the floor, doing seemingly nothing, and then suddenly all
together they quiver into a simultaneous energy orgasm, starting slowly, peaking,
and then coming back down into an afterglow phase, lasting several minutes.
Everyone’s orgasm sounds mixed with giggles were the sweetest music I think I’ve
ever heard. By the time the workshop came to the very end (pun intended) everyone
was fully satisfied and quite amazed. It was so easy and natural—yet most of the
participants would have thought it impossible before actually doing it.
If all this sounds hard to believe, there is scientific proof that this kind of thing
can happen. Sex researchers Beverly Whipple and Gina Ogden did a laboratory
study where they looked into the possibility of what they called “thinking off.”
They studied several dozen female volunteers who claimed they could have orgasms
without any genital stimulation. I was one of their volunteers. Hey, anything for
In their laboratory at Rutgers University, they wired me up to several machines,
which would measure my physiological responses, such as my heart rate and vaginal
contractions. First I was instructed to have an orgasm in the “usual way,” by selfstimulating
my clitoris. So I did. After a few minutes break, they asked me to try
to have an orgasm without any physical stimulation. So I relaxed, fantasized sexual
energy building, and mentally opened my body and mind up to let orgasmic energy
build then and pulse through me. After a few minutes I had a release, an energy
orgasm. According to their machines, my body had some of the same physiological
responses as it did to the clitoral orgasm. Most of the other women they studied
had similar results. They showed, scientifically, that some women can in fact “think
I think, therefore I orgasm
Here are some tips to learn how to “think off” and have energy orgasms:
• Realize that energy orgasms feel very different than clitoral orgasms.
• Believe that it is possible—otherwise it’s virtually impossible.
• Pay attention. Energy orgasms can be very subtle, as well as very intense. You’ll
know that energy is being released when you feel little quivers and quakes and
maybe some chills. These sensations are there for the asking, residing just below
the surface. All you need to do is let them bubble up, and pop! Dr. Ray Stubbs calls
these “light-body orgasm,” and notes that “they can be easily missed if we are not
looking for them.”
• Expand your definition. You can have various kinds of little microgasms, small
energy orgasms, while doing non-sexual activities that you find highly pleasurable.
Like riding fast on a motorcycle (“windgasms”), lying in the sun (“sungasms”), and
listening to Anita Baker sing (“eargasms”).
• Take some classes in Tai Chi, Chi Kung, Yoga, Karate, or any other discipline that
works with energy. Although usually there is no mention of energy orgasms in these
classes, they can help teach you about subtle energy.
• Fake it ‘til you feel it. Acting as if you are having an energy orgasm can lead you
into the actual experience.
• Use your mind and erotic thoughts to coax your body to respond orgasmically.
Call on your memories of how orgasm feels.
• Will your body to erotically shake like a leaf on a tree in the wind.
• Imagine that your heart area is opening up. I find that if I imagine that my
heart is opening up, creating a feeling of spaciousness, it can help open me up to
• Watch someone who knows how to do it. The very best way to learn about
energy orgasms is to watch someone have them. There are several videos where
energy orgasms are demonstrated.
Amazing World of Orgasm, my friend Jwala demonstrates a doozie. The wonderful
DVD, Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy, has some excellent examples (as well as
other great information on how men can have long multiple orgasms without
If you look into the history of various ancient, sexually wise cultures, you will find
that people have been having breath orgasms for thousands of years. (Cultures such
as the Tantrics, Taoists, and some Native American cultures.) Knowledge of them
got suppressed and went underground because of the tyrannical oppression by antisex
fanatics. But everything old is new again, and today “breathgasms” are all the
rage. Quite a few sexuality teachers are teaching breath orgasm techniques.
Besides feeling really good, they’re totally safe sex!
The first time I had a breath orgasm it came as a surprise—you could say it was an
electric shock! I was in a class learning a breathing technique called “rebirthing.”
Our group had been rhythmically breathing together for a couple of hours straight.
It felt good, and everyone was highly energized. Suddenly I felt electricity shoot
through my whole body, as if it had been plugged into an electrical outlet, and
became a conduit for orgasmic energy. Intensely pleasurable feelings came in
through my toes and shot out my fingers and the top of my head. It was the best
physical feeling I had ever had. It was far more intense than any clitoral orgasm I’d
had, and it kept going and going. Fortunately, the workshop leader had a sense of
what was happening to me and was supportive, letting me go with the experience. I
felt so much aliveness in my body, and all around me, and felt totally psychically
cleansed and revitalized for days. After that I was hooked, and started practicing
how to have breath orgasms. It took me a couple of years to really get the hang of
it, but sometimes people do learn how it works on their first try.
3. HYBRID ORGASMS — THE NEO CLASSICS
These orgasms occur with physical stimulation combined with an awareness of
Years ago I had a delightful lover who just loved to suck my nipples. He’d suck them
for a long time, and suck them in a way that would turn me on incredibly. Then, wow,
suddenly it felt like my nipple was shooting electricity, and I screamed in ecstasy.
If you know what I’m talking about, then you’ve probably had “nipplegasms” too. If
you enjoy anal sex, you might at some point have had an “analgasm,” where you felt
like your anus happily exploded with the most beautiful fire works. (Some women,
and men, swear by them.) Some people orgasm in their lips just from extended
passionate kissing. Under the right conditions, you can in fact experience orgasm in
any erogenous part of your body, as you learned in the story about the man with the
spinal cord injury.
Here’s how to have a body-part-gasm:
a. Have your partner make love very intensely to one particular erogenous zone
for at least ten minutes; caressing, licking, sucking, biting, or whatever feels good.
b. With all your attention, imagine erotic energy building in that spot.
c. Watch for the moment where pleasurable energy releases from that spot, or
feelings of electricity shoot out. Those are body-part-gasms.
We are equipped with starter buttons all over our bodies. It’s simply about getting
the right kind of stimulation and inspiration, then building to that energy release
phase, letting it happen and surrendering to the good feelings.
Like rubbing two sticks together to make fire, the rubbing, humping, grinding of
bodies together with genitals against thighs or bellies can eventually ignite
incredible full-body energy orgasms. Sometimes this action is called “frottage”
(French word for rubbing,) “tribadism” (usually used to describe lesbians rubbing
their clits together,) or “dry humping” (when a man and woman make like they’re
having intercourse, but with the penis outside the vagina—hence “dry”–but this can
actually make you very wet).
Imagine your body is a big balloon. It inflates with energy when you passionately
and enthusiastically rub your body against your lover’s body. The deeper the
breaths you take, the more your body fills with the energy. Do this for a while.
When you feel really full of energy, tense your body tightly and hold your breath.
Then let yourself “pop” as you exhale. You may feel the energy release into an
Now it’s time I told you about what I call the megagasm, the tsunami of orgasms.
As women, too often we spend time restraining our sexuality. We are conditioned to
make no disturbance. Moisture on the sheets or otherworldly sounds emanating
from our bodies are considered un-ladylike. Well, get ready all you un-ladylike
ladies—because the megagasm is for the woman who is ready to make a ruckus. It is
an intense, full-body, and beyond-the-body experience. An enormous tension release
occurs, to the point that you’re virtually unable to stand up or think for a while
after you’ve had one. I’ve had less than a dozen of these in my lifetime. One was
when we were filming my experimental sex film, Sluts and Goddesses. We captured
my megagasm on tape, so we were able to time it. It was five minutes long, very
intense, and not at all ladylike! My face looked as if I was having a baby.
Ride The Megagasm Wave
During a megagasm it can feel as if there is a lifetime of pent-up emotion bursting
free–and it is. You might feel a sensation of being “breathed by the Universe”,
your body open with electricity streaming through. You may experience lots of
tingling in your hands and lips, your jaw may chatter, and your lover may end up
having some kind of contact orgasm too. Just hold on tight, and ride, ride, ride that
humongous wild tidal wave of bliss.
Some people get scared of, or are uncomfortable with, the force of a woman’s
megagasm—or, for that matter, her other orgasms. Women tell me they feel they
have to hold back the full force of their orgasms because their lovers can’t handle
it. That’s a crying shame. To begin resolving this issue I suggest that when you’re
not in bed, you talk with your lover(s) about their fears and concerns. Explain to
them how you feel, and that you want the freedom to really be the powerful volcano
that you are. Of course, you have to give yourself that freedom as well.
It’s rather difficult to describe exactly how to have a megagasm, because women
and their lovers are all so different. But here are some notes about megagasms:
megagasms happen at times in your life when you need to release a lot of energy.
You have to be in the mood to have such an intense release. From what I have
gathered, megagasms don’t happen all that often. In my experience, megagasms are
brought about through very intense physical, sexual stimulation; very hard and fast
vaginal penetration combined with really strong and steady clitoral stimulation.
Sometimes they can be triggered by “erotic pain,” such as from biting, or
stretching the vagina wider.
Some women I know have had their megagasms from ‘fisting.’ Fisting is when
someone gets penetrated not just with fingers but with a whole hand. Then there’s
‘semi-fisting,’ where several fingers and part of the thumb are inside, but not going
past the knuckles. The stretching feeling can be really exciting for some folks, and
some need that intense stimulation to trigger their biggest orgasms.
Give yourself permission to delve as deeply as possible into your biggest and
strongest orgasm. Keep going beyond your threshold, beyond what you thought you
were capable of.
To have more powerful orgasms, get in touch with your physical power in places
other than the bedroom; practice karate, Tai Bo, kick boxing, wild dancing, etc.
Just a few lessons can have a big impact. Be willing to express your power. Let the
lion inside you roar!
Remember, don’t let any of this information make you feel inadequate if you have
not yet experienced any of these kinds of orgasms. You are at the right place at
the right time in learning about your orgasms. Perhaps you’ve had various kinds of
orgasms that I haven’t even touched upon.
4. GENERATE, MOVE, AND USE SEXUAL ENERGY WITH YOUR BREATH
If a person were to playfully mimic someone having sex, they would probably begin
by panting and exaggerating the standard breathing pattern. Anyone who has
received (or made) an ‘obscene’ phone call, or who has engaged in phone sex, knows
the routine. During the human sexual response cycle normal breathing speeds up and
builds to a rapid pace, the breath is held for a few moments before/during a
climax, after the climax there is a long exhale, and then the breath slows down and
gradually returns to normal. Breathing during sex is something people are aware of,
but are not usually taught to use consciously.
Deep, conscious, rhythmic breathing creates pathways for ecstasy energy to travel
throughout your whole body, providing a more full-bodied sexual experience and
amplifying sensations. In a nutshell, ECSTASY TRAVELS ON THE BREATH. Lovers
can speed up their breathing to increase excitement or slow it down to prolong
Panting For More
It doesn’t take a sex manual for lovers to discover the bliss to be had from
spooning when combined with synchronized breathing, or alternate breathing. (One
breathes in while the other breathes out, and back and forth.) Some lovers enjoy
the intimate act of breathing in and out of each other’s mouths, which I consider a
form of EnergySex intercourse— ‘penetration’ of the lungs with the breath. It’s a
delightful way to have your lover inside you.
There are many different techniques that work well to enhance sexual feelings.
Ecstasy Breathing is my absolute all time favorite, which is the next sexsercise I
invite you to try. It’s an advanced technique. Some folks resonate with it and get it
right away, and for others it can take a long time to learn. First let me tell you
about how I learned it.
Through the grape vine, I’d heard stories about an incredibly knowledgeable Native
American shaman and spiritual teacher, who presented some very intense and brave
sexuality workshops. His name was Harley Reagan Swiftdeer. I was intrigued, so I
pitched doing a story about one of his “Quodoshka” workshops to my editor at
Penthouse magazine. Next thing I knew I was in a small suburb in snowy Michigan,
in a big house with about 40 other workshopees. We spent several days learning
many interesting things, trying various techniques and sharing our experiences. But
it was at the end of the workshop that I learned the most valuable lesson for me,
the fire breath orgasm.
The “fire breath” (not to be confused with the “breath of fire” in yoga) is an
ancient breathing technique where you lay down and breath into ecstasy, and
sometimes into a full bodied “energy orgasm.” Harley’s wife and assistants first
demonstrated this for us. They lay on the floor in the shape of a wagon wheel with
their clothes still on, heads all pointed together, and started breathing
rhythmically…and a few minutes later they were writhing in absolute ecstasy. It
may sound impossible—but seeing was believing. They looked as if they were being
made love to by invisible beings. Their ecstasy and energy orgasms kept going and
going for a long time. I had to learn!
It took me almost a year to really get the hang of the fire breath orgasm, but once
I really got it I came to love it and have used it often, including while making love.
Years later now, I have modified and simplified the fire breath orgasm technique to
teach it in my own way, in what I now call ‘ecstasy breathing.’ It’s based on the fire
breath orgasm, but is somewhat different. I have taught ecstasy breathing to many
people. It’s very exciting to do in a group, as there’s much more energy and a coach
to keep you breathing ecstatically. We usually breathe for about 45 minutes. It’s a
wonderful way to spend an evening, believe me.
The best way to learn this technique is to have someone demonstrate it for you live
first and then teach it to you. Many people now practice and teach ecstasy
breathing, and the fire breath orgasm, all over North America, Europe and
Australia. If you’re interested and you look around you can probably find someone
to teach you.
You’ll need to breathe for about fifteen to forty five minutes to really experience
this fully. Put some nice rhythmic music on your stereo. Turn down any lights.
Unplug the phone.
Lie down on a flat, firm surface, such as a hard bed, a carpet, matt, or on a soft
lawn. Don’t use a pillow because it works best with your neck and head flat. Bend
your knees, putting your feet flat on the ground. Take some moments to empty your
mind and relax your body.
1. Begin to take deep, rhythmic breaths. Inhale through your nose and fill your
belly and lungs with your breath, so that they fill up like a balloon. Then exhale
through your mouth as if you are blowing out birthday candles. Make the breathing
completely circular and continuous with no pauses between the inhalations and
exhalations. Put any accent on the exhale. Get into a nice, slow rhythm. Then add a
pelvic rock, arching your lower back on the inhale, flattening it on the exhale.
Undulate your pelvis as if you are having intercourse. Add some gentle Kegels on
some of your exhales. These squeezes help make it more erotic and pump up your
2. Light the fire in your genitals. Keep breathing rhythmically. Think of it as an
erotic dance and let your body do what it naturally wants to do. Just don’t stop.
Keep breathing. Undulate your spine from top to bottom. Let your head and neck
roll around loosely.
3. Genitals to belly. Use your mind and imagination to pull energy in between your
legs from the atmosphere into your genital area. Breathe it upwards to your belly.
Fill your belly with your sexual energy. Go back down between your legs and gather
in more. Circle that energy around from the genital area to the belly, back and
4. Belly to heart. When the areas below your waist are charged up and the fire is
burning, go to the next level, to your heart. Circulate energy from belly to heart.
Spend several minutes breathing at each level.
5. Heart to throat. Now bring your energy up to your throat. Let some moans and
groans emerge. Remember, sounds build energy. Make lots of sounds. High pitched
sounds, all kinds of sounds. Bring the energy up your body, breathing faster now.
6. Throat to third eye. Next bring your energy up to the third eye area (the area
between your eyebrows), from the heart to the third eye and back again. To get
the full effect, you’ll need to breathe from 15 minutes to an hour.
7. Third eye to out the top of your head. Speed the breathing up to high gear as
if you are in the heat of passion. Then pull the energy up out the top of your head.
At this point pull the energy up through your legs into your body and out the top of
your head in one whole body stream. Make high-pitched sounds. Roll your eyes up
into the back of your head to help pull the energy further up. Have fun with it. See
how much pleasure and ecstasy you can generate from breathing your sexual energy
up into and through your body.
8. Advanced Ecstasy breathing. Keep breathing heavily, and see if you can take
yourself into an ‘energy orgasm’ or an orgasmic state.
9. When you feel complete, just relax, and bask in the afterglow. Take plenty of
time to enjoy it.
A Message to Consumers
• At first learning this technique might feel mechanical, just like when you’re
learning techniques for playing tennis, or violin. But with some practice your body
will eventually be able to do it quite effortlessly.
• It’s very helpful to use your hands and arms to coax and direct the energy.
Circle them over the areas you are breathing from and to.
• Energy levels will rise and fall like mercury in a thermometer. You might have
moments where you suddenly feel like you have lost your connection with your
energy. You can always go back down between your legs and gather more sexual
energy and bring it back up again, at any time.
• If you are breathing deeply for a while and your body is not used to it, you
might experience what is called “tetany”. Your hands and/or mouth area may feel
funny, frozen, and tingly. This occurs when the energy hits blocks in your body.
Don’t worry! These feelings will go away once you slow down your breath or breathe
less deeply. This will likely only happen the first few times you practice ecstasy
• Sometimes while you are breathing and in an erotic state you may also want to
cry, cough or gag, or you might feel old painful memories surfacing. Don’t be afraid
of this: moving energy up your body can be like having a wonderful psychic enema.
It’s a cleansing and it’s good for you. As you keep breathing, have a cry, or pound
your fists by your side, or growl. Let your feelings out and bathe them in ecstasy.
These “blocks” will pass through, and then there will be more room for more
ecstasy to come into your body.
• If you feel too light-headed or too dizzy, slow down the breathing a bit. Be sure
you are putting the accent on the exhale only. Relax the inhale with blowing out
• Your experience will vary depending on how you feel in the moment and on each
particular day. If you feel tired, you might have a very quiet experience. If you
have a lot of feelings to express, it might be very emotional. If you are excited, it
can feel super erotic. Ecstasy breathing will intensify whatever feelings are inside
you. And the more you breath, the more you feel. It’s your life. Why not live it to
For me, learning this technique ultimately made partner sex much more ecstatic and
fulfilling, because it taught me how to feel, generate, and move sexual energy in a
very clear and physical way. It’s also a natural high, a great substitute for harmful
addictions. It helped me to quit smoking. I have used it many times when I need
It’s sexual healing, so it actually feels good. For example when my heart was broken,
ecstasy breathing helped me move the pain and sadness out of my body. I’ve used
ecstasy breathing to gain insight into a question, as it helps me access inner wisdom.
For example, when I needed to move to a new city I asked the question “where
should I move?” did the breathing, and got a clear answer. So it can be used as a
sort of shamanic journey. I’ve also had some of the most amazing full body energy
orgasms to where it felt like I was being breathed by the forces of creation, and so
electric it was like my body was plugged into an electrical outlet. Ecstasy breathing
can be a wonderful profound and deep experience, giving one the feeling of making
love to the Universe. I highly recommend it!
Again, don’t be discouraged if you don’t experience the benefits of ecstasy
breathing right away. It might take some practice. However just learning that such
a thing as this
is possible is a seed that has been planted in you. One day that seed might just
sprout into something… spectacular.
Okay, let me guess what you might be thinking. You’ve read through this orgasm
sampler but you still feel resistant to some of these ideas about orgasm. You just
don’t buy this new expanded view, or that you can orgasm without genital
stimulation. How do you really know that some of the things I’ve described aren’t
possible, just because maybe you haven’t experienced them? Does an orgasm have
to be limited to a certain sensation? Why can’t an orgasm be very subtle, seem to
start from somewhere other than the genitals, or make us feel a wide variety of
Over the years I have taught women about the wide variety of orgasms in dozens of
workshops and private sessions. Some of them were resistant at first too, but
eventually they ‘came’ to understand. We start by planting little seeds, first
learning that new things are possible. Eventually the ideas grow and turn into
realities. I encourage you to keep an open mind, actually try some of the things I’ve
suggested, and see for yourself what happens. If not much happens then consider
that perhaps maybe it will at some future time.
A big part of making over your sex life involves making over your thinking. The
power of the mind is awesome—once we change our thinking, our bodies will follow.
Your Orgasm Homework
For the next month, as an experiment, try calling more of your detectable
pleasurable sexual energy explosions “orgasm.” You can do this yourself privately,
or share this experiment with your lover. See if by the end of the month you are
feeling and being more orgasmic and experiencing some interesting new sensations.
Experiment, explore, and play. Write about your thoughts and experiences, or
videotape yourself talking about your impressions. Together, our amazing world of orgasm will continue to
expand, on and on, forever.