Orgasm Guide

Below is a wonderful guide written by Annie Sprinkle. Everything you’d ever want to know about orgasms…

 ”Orgasm is no longer a mere biological function, nor the side effect of casual

pleasure… It is the very center of human experience and ultimately determines

the happiness of the human race.”

Wilhelm Reich

 

First I will tell you a bit about the history of orgasm research. Then I will share

with you a way to become much more orgasmic by expanding your concept and

definition of orgasm. Then, I’ll discuss a whole bunch of possibilities for different

types of orgasms and ways how to have them. While there is plenty of information

here about both the male and the female orgasm experience, I will focus more on

the female orgasm. Partly because I am a female and I want to share from personal

experience, but also because many men tell me they want to learn more about

female orgasm as well. So if you are a man that loves women, hopefully this will be

helpful for you in pleasuring your partner.

 

You Can Do It – You Probably Already Have

 

If I had a dollar for every woman who’s told me she can have great orgasms when

masturbating alone, but has trouble coming when with a lover, I’d be rich. Some

women tell me they have never, ever had an orgasm. When they tell me about their

difficulties with orgasm, they are desperate, often on the verge of tears. I feel

their pain and frustration. This is no joke. They consider themselves “nonorgasmic.”

First I usually suggest that they probably have had orgasms, but weren’t

yet conscious of them, just as we all dream every night but aren’t always aware of

our dreams. Then I assure them that they can learn to be (more) orgasmic.

 

Diversified Portfolio

 

I also meet women who tell me they’re very orgasmic, but they’ve heard about

various super-duper orgasms. They want to know how they can have an orgasm that

lasts an hour, or an orgasm that requires no physical contact; an orgasm that

includes female ejaculation, or the mysterious full-body orgasm. Women want to

learn how to experience all of these—and they can.

Are you one of the many women who feel like they could have better orgasms, or

more varied orgasms, or more frequent orgasms? Or perhaps you have yet to

experience your first orgasm. If you are “pre-orgasmic,” it simply means you think

have not had an orgasm…yet. Do not despair. You very likely will.

 

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Almost everyone has had difficulty reaching orgasm at some time in his or her life.

If you have too, it’s likely there isn’t a thing wrong with you. In fact, you belong to a

big sorority—ten to fifteen percent of adult women claim they’ve never had an

orgasm. Far more say they have difficulty having orgasms; some studies estimate

the number to be as high as fifty percent.

The reasons we don’t have orgasms can be emotional, hormonal, or psychological; a

side effect of medication; or the result of communication problems with our

partners…or lack of a (helpful) partner. Far less frequently, the problem is physical.

Negative thinking, anxiety, expectations, boredom, past trauma, and low levels of

desire and passion can be factors. The good news is that, as we age and become

more at home in our own lovely bodies, most of us do become more orgasmic. If you

are not yet into your thirties, you should understand that you are very likely

still just learning, and have a lot to look forward to. How to experience a wide

variety of orgasms can be learned and developed—and is a skill worth learning. We

are going to make you much more orgasmic in a variety of ways, primarily by making

over your mind about how you think about orgasm.

 

Early Withdrawal

 

Research has shown that human infants and pre-adolescents can actually have a

simple kind of energy release, which could be called “orgasm”, and it looks

something like a sneeze or a yawn. This was reported in Alfred Kinsey’s famous

study, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953). What he documented was,

“…there is a build-up of neuromuscular tensions which may culminate at a peak—

from which there may be a sudden discharge of tensions, followed by a return to a

normal physiologic state.” But even if we once knew, we can forget how to have

orgasms for a while, or become socially conditioned into not having them. Orgasm is

a natural bodily function. We have to get our minds out of the way and let our

bodies do what comes naturally.

If you’ve been beating yourself up for not being orgasmic enough, (or non-orgasmic,

or prematurely orgasmic) the first thing to do is to stop. Right now, just stop!

There’s no sense in making yourself more miserable, and it doesn’t help change

things at all. Rather than putting terrible pressure on yourself, use love—self-love—

to get yourself where you want to go.

 

Trust Fund

 

Begin by developing positive thoughts and feelings around orgasm. Whenever you

can, practice the following:

 

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Cheer Yourself On — Tell yourself silently or, better yet, out loud “I am at the

right place at the right time in learning about my orgasms. I love myself

unconditionally, and day by day I’m learning more.”

Trust Your Process — Pat yourself on the back, caress your forehead, put your

hand on your heart or perform some gesture that expresses love and support for

yourself, as you are quite perfect as you are. If someone doesn’t speak French,

would we think less of him or her? If you don’t yet speak the language of orgasm,

that’s perfectly okay. In time and with practice, you will become fluent.

Be compassionate with yourself — Develop acceptance of wherever you are now. Try

to let go of all expectations and self-imposed pressures. Don’t buy into pressure

tactics, whether it’s coming from a partner or from the media or from your own

self. Instead, put your energy into creating the right conditions for you to enjoy

orgasms on your own terms. You will get there on your own timetable, in your own

way. Don’t you feel better already?

Listen to the wisdom of your body — Your body is a great coach, and it’s trying to

tell you all sorts of things. Listen.

 

Prosperity Consciousness

 

If you are already an orgasmic woman, or even a glutton for ‘gasms, I guarantee

there is more you (we all) can learn. If you’ve had any experience with yoga, you

know that it’s a process where you learn more and get better at it the more you

practice. You won’t be assuming the advanced postures during your first classes.

While it doesn’t take very long to learn the basic concepts, postures and activities,

it is only through months and even years of practice that the experience of yoga

deepens and transforms us. Exploring orgasm is a lot like yoga. The basic concepts

can come easily, but it takes some practice and commitment to get really good at it.

Yet anyone can do it.

 

THE FUN AND FUNCTIONS OF THE ORGASM, or WHY CUM?

 

Why have orgasms?  First there’s pleasure, pure and simple. For most of us,

orgasms feel extraordinarily good. During orgasm, wonderful sensations wave and

pulse through our genitals and, on a good day, can spread throughout our bodies.

Orgasm can lead us toward our more relaxed selves. They can make us happier as

they change our body chemistry, releasing endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, and who

 

knows-what other biological happy dust the scientific researchers have yet to

discover.

Sometimes the benefits of orgasm are simply practical. For example, orgasms can

help us sleep better by releasing pent-up sexual tension. Orgasms can help repair

damaged relationships. Some women who’ve felt frustration and bitterness in their

relationships report that they become much less angry, and more contented and

loving, when they regularly experience good orgasms. Orgasms can make us feel

closer to our partners, open our hearts, and re-boot the romance in a relationship.

Then there’s the energy-lifting aspect to orgasm. Orgasms can put a bounce in your

step, and make you feel more confident and optimistic. If you’re feeling drowsy, I

prescribe a quick orgasm. Orgasm has been known to work as excellent intervention

against writer’s block.

For many people, orgasm is the climax to a lovely evening. It signals the end of a

sexual encounter, like a period marks the end of a sentence. Treating orgasm as the

“end” of a sexual encounter can be handy at times. But beware: orgasm certainly

isn’t the be-all and end-all of every sexual encounter. Unfortunately, we are not

socially programmed to have non-goal-oriented, playful, euphoric sex without

worrying about a crescendo tying everything in a bow. We are taught that sex is

incomplete or unsatisfactory without an orgasm and that when we “achieve” orgasm

we achieve success. So when we don’t, we “fail.” However, as sex therapists say,

“Sex is not a competitive sport,” not at its heart. Making love is a dance with its

own dips and twirls and turns. If orgasm is the only goal we miss most of the tango

by focusing only on the back-bending finale.

 

Off the Charts

 

For some of us, orgasm can be a highly spiritual experience. Human beings have a

longing to go beyond everyday reality to a kind of mystical state. Nothing makes a

woman feel more like a real live goddess than a full-body orgasm. We can let go of

our egos and everyday reality for some moments, and feel like we’re going straight

to heaven.

 

The Big Pay Off:

 

If you have not experienced sex or orgasm as a spiritual event, I suggest you

consider this: Imagine that you are sitting on top of a hill watching a sunrise. There

are two ways to watch.

1. The Unconscious Way—You are not really paying much attention to the sunrise

at all. You’re sitting there, thinking about the things you have to do later that day.

You feel uncomfortable sitting on the ground. Your mind wanders all over the place.

 

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You think you don’t really care much about sunrises in the first place. You don’t feel

much or see much. The sunrise is pretty, but it doesn’t mean much to you.

2. The Conscious Way—You are sitting on a hill watching a sunrise. You give it all

your attention and go deeply into its beauty and mystery. You imagine the sunlight

filling you until you positively glow. You ponder the miracle of the sun rising every

morning. You feel the sun’s rays on your skin and soak up their warmth. You focus

your thoughts on the sunrise, letting other thoughts go by, without giving them

attention. Suddenly you become overwhelmed with the perfection of the moment

and you are moved to cry. You breathe into the feelings, until it all opens and

deepens into a spiritual experience.

Now try it with a sexual situation.

1. There’s the Unconscious Way.

2. There’s the Conscious Way.

Whether your orgasm is a spiritual and enlightening experience or not is pretty

much up to you. Your orgasm can take over, or expand, or enlighten your whole being

simply because you have focused your entire attention on it and looked for the

magnificence of it.

 

Mourning Glory

 

Orgasm can be excellent therapy. Very recently a friend of mine died. I was very

busy, unable to get in touch with any grief, and I felt rather numb, until about a

week later when I had an orgasm with my lover. The intensity of feeling and the

relaxation from the orgasm allowed me to release the pent-up feelings of grief I

had not acknowledged, and I fell weeping into my lover’s supportive arms. That’s

what I call a “crygasm,” and it’s one of my favorite kinds of orgasms. Many women

tell me they sometimes cry when they come, not because they feel sad, but because

they feel deeply happy and moved. Sometimes our sex partners think it’s weird, or

they may worry that they’re hurting us. But if we just explain to them how good it

feels to come and cry at the same time, they usually get it. On the other hand—and

I believe this requires less explanation for most women—orgasms can also trigger

hearty laughter. I call those “laughgasms.”

 

Double Digits

 

Orgasm is a handy painkiller. Once I volunteered to be a laboratory guinea pig for

sex researchers Gina Ogden and Beverly Whipple, who did a scientific study of the

power of orgasm to change a woman’s experience of the pain threshold. They wired

me up to machines that measured physiological responses, then put my finger in a

little mechanized vice that could squeeze my finger—a little, a lot, and fairly hard.

Then they asked me to masturbate to orgasm. They discovered they could squeeze

 

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my finger (and many other women’s fingers) much harder after an orgasm! Why was

I not surprised?

 

Ya’ Can’t Foil Me

 

Another time, I used orgasm as a pain reliever after gum surgery, when pain pills

weren’t enough. I had tin foil on all my teeth, a swollen face, and I didn’t look or

feel the least bit sexy, but my lover compassionately applied oral sex, just to make

me feel better and to ease the pain. It worked like a charm. As the late great Mae

West said, “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.”

 

Lust in The Dust

 

Author of Sacred Orgasms, Ray Stubbs, believes that orgasm generates “primordial

healing energy.” I’m not totally sure about the primordial part, but I couldn’t agree

more about the healing part, as illustrated by an experience I had with my former

lover, Willem De Ridder. He had very bad asthma, and when we visited Pompeii and

spent a day in the dust, he had a serious attack in the middle of the night. It was

one of those moments that every asthmatic fears—medical help was far away, and

the attack was one of those terrifying ones that could have become fatal. I tried

everything I could think of to help Willem breathe more easily, but nothing calmed

him enough to lessen the attack. Finally, in a panic, though sex was the last thing on

our minds, I administered oral sex. He had an orgasm, which relaxed him enough to

take some deep breaths. To this day he swears that that blowjob saved his life.

Orgasm (and sex) also works wonders to ease menstrual cramps and migraine

headaches. Studies show that some people with arthritis can achieve significant

pain relief for several hours after orgasm. It also boosts the immune system,

strengthens the heart, and decreases blood pressure.

 

Exit This Way

 

Joseph Kramer believes that orgasms can help prepare us for our death, because

they teach us how to surrender and let go. Kramer isn’t the first to make this

connection between orgasm and final, existential surrender. The French even refer

to orgasm as “le petit mort”, the little death. My friend Norma Wilcox, a nurse,

told me about her husband’s dying moments. He had suffered a long time from

cancer. He actually died having a great big orgasm while she was changing the

catheter in his penis. “It’s exactly how he would have wanted to go,” she smiled.

What are three ways you have used, could use, or would like to use orgasm in

positive ways in your life?

 

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Misappropriation of Fun

 

A note of caution: anything this good is bound to be misused. Sometimes orgasms

are used to express anger, control and power. Sometimes orgasm can actually take

away intimacy, or become a chore, or be used as an agent of control. My friend

Sharon had a mean boyfriend who consistently withheld his orgasm to make her feel

she was a lousy lover. Another woman I once knew consistently put down her lover

for not being an orgasmic woman. Sometimes women really berate their man if he

comes before she’d like him to. That kind of misuse of orgasm really hurts, and no

one should have to put up with it. And let’s not forget the anti-sex fanatics and

extremists who threaten us, saying that orgasm for pleasure’s sake is sinful and

dooms us to hell. Well, at least we’ll all have plenty of company!

Sit down and ask yourself if there are any negative associations with orgasm you

might be harboring. Does a part of you think orgasm is disgusting, gross, dirty? Do

you find it embarrassing, humiliating, unattractive, shameful? Do you feel like it

makes you a weak person? Or that you don’t deserve that pleasure? Do you

associate orgasm with a negative experience from your past? Does the pressure to

have them or not have them create a lot of anxiety and disappointment? If you

answered “yes” to any of these, ask yourself more about why. These are not

uncommon thoughts and feelings.

Would you like to reprogram yourself so you can enjoy more of the benefits and

beauties of orgasm? Here’s how. Before, during and after orgasm, aim to think only

wonderful, positive, loving thoughts. Rewrite your own internal script by using

helpful fantasies. When you come, simply accentuate the positive. You’ve got

nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

 

Orgasms Aren’t Everything

 

I don’t mean to say that you can’t have a fulfilling sex life without orgasms. You

certainly can live a wonderful, fruitful, glorious, satisfying life without ever having a

single orgasm. Truly.

Anthropologists have noted that some entire societies virtually ignore female

orgasm. But happily I don’t belong to that society. I highly recommend the

experience.

 

WHAT EXACTLY IS AN ORGASM, ANYWAY? or HOW COME?

 

Take a moment and think. Can you describe in words what an orgasm is? Try it.

 

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If this was hard for you, you are not alone. Most other people can’t do it, either.

The truth is, there is no one definitive answer to the question; there are thousands.

When I set out to study more about orgasm, I was amazed to discover how little

was actually known about the topic even by scientists and academics. Since orgasm

is such a common experience, and the experience is among the most pleasurable

most human beings will ever know in their lifetimes, one would think that this would

be worthy of enormous study. The scientific community is not immune to sexphobic

thinking and politics though, and many professionals are not willing to risk

the shame and stigma of doing orgasm research. Even if they are willing, they can’t

get the funding.

Fortunately, there have been a few brave souls who have overcome the obstacles

and devoted themselves to at least a bit of the study of orgasm. They have come up

with a variety of theories about orgasm and how it occurs. These theories are also

known as “models of orgasm.”

 

Freudian Slip-Up

 

Naturally orgasm has been studied and written about for many centuries. But let’s

start with Freud’s thoughts on the subject, which still really affect us today. He

believed there were two types of female orgasm—vaginal and clitoral. (To me,

that’s like saying there are two kinds of fruit—bananas and blueberries.) Brilliant

as he was, Freud believed that vaginal orgasms were the true, “mature” orgasms,

meaning that clitoral orgasms were “immature”. Since he saw the clitoris as a

stunted penis, a clitoral orgasm would be both “masculine” and “immature.” Some

feminists conjecture that Freud said this in part because as a man deep down he

hoped the ultimate orgasm was from penetration. In any case, Freud’s belief

informed much of twentieth century thinking about female orgasm and went far to

screw things up for women (and for men too, for that matter) for a long time. It

got to the point where it was not all that uncommon for doctors a century ago

(shortly after Freud’s time) to remove a young girl’s clitoris if they were afraid she

was masturbating her clitoris too much, or just might try. Oy vey!

 

Who’s Counting?

 

From the mid-1950’s through the 1980s, Dr. William Masters and his assistantturned-

wife, Virginia Johnson, researched human sexuality. They studied hundreds

of women (and men) having orgasms in the laboratory. (Doesn’t that sound like a

fascinating job?) Moving away from the Freudian distinction between mature and

immature orgasm, they basically proved that Freud’s theory was erroneous. They

defined the “sexual response cycle” in four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm and

resolution. In so doing, Masters and Johnson made a huge contribution to the

research about orgasm. However, they focused almost exclusively on the

 

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physiological aspects and mechanics of orgasm, which is a bit like saying that life is

about heartbeats, blood flow and sweat glands.

 

Market Research

 

Among the next generation of orgasm researchers was sex therapist Helen Singer

Kaplan. In 1979, she defined three arousal states: desire, excitement, and orgasm.

What made her theory special is that she included “desire” as an important part of

the cycle. This seems obvious to us now, but back then it was a new concept.

Certainly levels of desire can indeed affect our orgasms and our potential for them.

Descriptions of the varieties of female orgasm have been offered by some other

folks. Researchers Josephine and Irving Singer suggested that there are three

different types of female orgasm—vulval, uterine, and blended (vulval plus uterine).

Dr. Michael Perry, a friend of mine in Los Angeles who produces sex education

films, managed to videotape the inside of several vaginas before, during and after

various kinds of orgasms. He said he found four different types of female orgasm,

which he coined “plateau,” “tonic,” “clonic,” and “fusion.” The variables of each of

these and their descriptions are too lengthy and complex to go into here. The point

is that different people have defined various different kinds of orgasms,

categorized them, and have given them a variety of names.

 

Women Invested in More Orgasm Research

 

Today some wonderful women are challenging the old models of orgasm. Sexologist

Leonore Tiefer criticizes Masters and Johnson’s classic four-phase model. She

argues that their theory is limited by an exclusive focus on the physical, and that

the psychological and social aspects of human sexual experience are ignored. Tiefer

suggests that when it comes to orgasm, it is important to “combine

psychophysiological sophistication with respect for individual and couple diversity.”

Mikaya Hart, who wrote a book about female orgasm called When the Earth Moves,

writes that, “We need to stop defining sex as merely physical function, and begin to

acknowledge its emotional and spiritual depth.” Some aspects of orgasm may be

impossible to ever define. Clearly we need more research.

 

Talk to Me, Baby

 

Then there’s Bob Schwartz, a successful author who teaches a class about

“extended sexual orgasm,” also known as E.S.O. Naturally, I took his class.

Schwartz suggests that sex partners use a system of telling each other their exact

degree of arousal, which he breaks down into five basic levels. They are flat, a little

turned on, turned on, highly passionate, and feeling out of control (too high).

Schwartz says that the idea is to get to, and stay in, an extended orgasmic state

through constant communication with talking between partners. I find it really

 

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difficult to talk continually when I am most excited, but, hey, it seems to work for

some folks.

 

Triple Yield

 

Contemporary western sexologists generally define the orgasm cycle as a build-up

of muscular tension in the genitals, called “myotonia,” and an engorgement of blood,

called “tumescence” or “vasocongestion”. With increasingly intensifying sensation

this leads to a grand release of the muscular tension, called “orgasm.” Multiple

orgasms are a repeat of this pattern.

There are only an armful of good books specifically about orgasm; my favorite is

The Essential Tantra by Ray Stubbs, Ph.D. His definition is: “Orgasm is an event

where two or more vibratory patterns change so that they resonate with each

other, and a new vibratory pattern occurs which consists of the initial vibratory

patterns, plus the vibratory pattern of primordial incarnated energy.” Pretty heady,

eh? He has named four types of orgasms: sexual orgasm, light body orgasm, spirit

body orgasm and soul body orgasms. Did you get all that? To translate and simplify,

Ray takes an energy oriented approach to orgasm, as opposed to a physical muscular

tension release approach. He believes that we are more than our physical bodies,

and that orgasms can also occur in our “light body,” “spiritual body”, our “soul

system,” or several of these at a time. Furthermore, he says that sexual orgasms

are just one kind of orgasm; that orgasm can occur while skydiving, climbing a rope,

listening to Tristan and Isolde, during a religious service, etc. I totally agree with

Ray, that orgasm is largely an energy-oriented experience. This is a fuller, more

helpful way to view and define this amazing phenomenon.

 

Clitoral Analysis

 

Betty Dodson, Ph.D., is a sex educator widely known for writing the first feminist

book on masturbation. Since 1970 she’s been teaching masturbation skills. In her

amazing women’s Bodysex Workshops she has taught many women about orgasm.

She has been my beloved mentor and role model since the mid-1970’s. We are of

like mind on most issues, but when it comes to defining orgasm we differ and have

heated disagreements. Betty basically believes the exact opposite of Freud. She

feels that the clitoris is a woman’s primary sex organ, and that clitoral orgasms are

the real, worthwhile, true orgasms. She feels that women must learn to master

their clitoral orgasms. Although she teaches women to combine vaginal penetration

along with their clitoral stimulation for a “combination orgasm”, you could say Betty

is clit-centric. If anyone can kick Freud’s butt, it’s Betty.

Another famous sex educator, Dr. Ruth, also believes that there is only one kind of

orgasm, the clitoral orgasm. Given how Freud and his anti-clitoral orgasm followers

have influenced so many people’s thinking about women’s sexual pleasure, I do see

 

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Betty and Dr. Ruth’s points. But I know a lot of women that just wouldn’t put their

bets on Clits Rule.

Some feminists point out that the clitoris is a much larger body part than

previously thought, that it has “legs” (“crura”)–I call them “roots”–that branch

down into the vaginal area. So it could be said that vaginal orgasms could in fact be

clitoral orgasms too. Redefining the clitoris as a larger area is somewhat

controversial, and some folks think this adds to the confusion as to what kind of

orgasm is what. But one thing I know is that orgasms from clitoral stimulation feel

really different than from vaginal simulation. Certainly clitoral orgasms are terrific.

But my experience tells me that we can have many different kinds of orgasms,

which actually don’t involve the clitoris at all.

 

My Way

 

My own definition of orgasm is this:

Orgasm is the pleasurable explosion or streaming of built-up erotic or sexual

energy in its broadest sense. And it can occur in many different areas of the

body, in many different ways.

In my book, if you feel like you might be having some kind of orgasm, then you likely

are. By claiming more of our pleasurable energy releases as kinds of orgasmic

experience, we become more and more orgasmic, live more orgasmic lives, and

develop our full orgasmic potential–which can be phenomenal. Although there are

some fine lines as to what I’d consider or not consider an orgasm, no one is going to

give you a pass/fail grade. So stake your claim.

The same goes for men, of course. Orgasm doesn’t necessarily mean ejaculation.

Men are capable of all kinds of orgasms too that don’t have anything to do with

their penises. Although from what I hear, penile orgasms with ejaculation are

wonderful—and it’s good to remember that they’re not the only game in town.

 

Orgasm Disclaimer

 

There are as many different theories of orgasm as there are orgasm experts.

Some theories are contradictory. Others have similarities. We may have come a

long way, when it comes to orgasm research, but there’s still a heck of long way to

go.

Please know that the following information is based on my own view, study and

experience, which can vary from other people’s, and from yours.

 

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Granted my ideas about orgasm (although shared by many other orgasm experts

that I know) are outside the usual paradigm of orgasm used by the general public

and the sexology community. This makes them somewhat revolutionary, all the more

interesting, and I believe the wave of the future.

 

EXPAND YOUR IDEA OF WHAT ORGASM IS or HOW FAR?

 

One of the first things we need to do in order to expand our orgasm opportunities

is to expand our idea of what an orgasm is. Let’s begin with a true story:

 

Left For Broke

 

A young man suffered a radical spinal cord break in an accident when he was eleven

years old; his entire body was paralyzed and he was left without a sense of touch

anywhere below his neck. There was no hope that one day he might actually enjoy

sex in any conventional sense of the word. He never had a girlfriend, or any kind of

sexual experience, and there was little chance he ever would.

When he was twenty-five, he told his parents he wanted to know about and perhaps

experience something sexual. Fortunately, he had compassionate and loving parents

who hired a sex surrogate (a trained professional who is part therapist, part

educator and part boudoir companion).

The surrogate worked with him weekly over the course of several months, making

him feel safe, and winning his trust. Then she began to explore his body, inch by

inch, to see if there were any places where his skin would respond to pleasurable

stimulation, some place where he might have some feeling. Sure enough, they

discovered an area on the inside of his upper left arm, about two square inches of

skin, where his injury had apparently left him with a modest level of sensory

response. Over time and with much patience and encouragement, the surrogate

brought him to feel an increasingly intense sensual pleasure in response to her

kisses and licks on that one small place.

 

Coming To Maturity

 

On the day of his twenty-sixth birthday, the surrogate went all out, teasing and

playing with that spot, sucking and nibbling, to the point where the young man cried

out in pleasure in a way she had not witnessed from him before. The concentrated

sensual stimulation led to an extremely pleasurable energy burst, which in turn,

compelled him to cry out in joy. What he experienced that day could only be called

an orgasm. With tears welling up in his eyes and laughter in his voice, he told the

surrogate that it had been the best birthday present he had ever received.

 

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Perhaps you are not prepared to describe what this man experienced as orgasm,

because it lacked the physical evidence we usually associate with male orgasm—the

blood-engorged penis, the ejaculation, and so forth. But to him, as well as to the sex

surrogate—who had helped her share of men reach orgasm under difficult

circumstances—it was a bona fide orgasm.

 

Extending Credit

 

The point is that in my view there are all kinds of orgasms, and virtually anyone can

learn to experience them. Like the young man in the above story, some quadriplegics

and paraplegics who have lost or never had genital sensation have reported

experiences that are undeniably orgasmic. If they can have a variety of orgasmic

experiences, so can you.

Then again, perhaps you share the same view and definition of orgasm as I do and

you’ve had similar experiences as I have. Terrific! Isn’t it nice to know that you

aren’t alone?

There are many types of orgasms that I have observed and experienced first-hand,

in myself, in other women, and in men, or that have been reported to me. But before

I share them with you, I would like you to please take this oath:

 

Orgasm Oath

 

I solemnly swear that to the best of my ability, I will not use any of this

information to make myself feel inadequate in any way. I intend to use this

information to learn and grow. I am willing to open my mind to new ideas about

orgasm.

 

Seize Your Orgasm Opportunities

 

“It may be discovered someday that an orgasm actually lasts

for hours and only seems like a few seconds.”

Dolly Parton

 

Come, I’ve prepared beautiful delicious treats for you. Let me offer you a

selection.

 

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Dr. Sprinkle’s Orgasm Sampler

 

Here is a sprinkling of different kinds of orgasms that I’ve come, literally, to

believe you are capable of experiencing:

1. Genital Orgasms. These are orgasms that occur in the genital area. They

require some level of physical stimulation.

2. Energy Orgasms. These orgasms occur without genital physical

stimulation.

3. Hybrid Orgasms. These are the neo-classics—designer orgasms, if you

will. They occur through physical stimulation, but with an awareness of

energy release or energy flow.

 

1. BELOW THE GARTER BELT – GENITAL ORGASMS

Clitoral Orgasms

 

Clitoral orgasms are the most common and popular kind of female orgasm today.

(Fifty years from now that could possibly change. Who knows?) These are generally

the kind of orgasms most gals long to have, or to have more of. The clitoris is

stimulated, energy builds in the form of muscular tension, and orgasm occurs when

this explodes or releases. A clitoral orgasm can be small, hiccup-like, and just in the

pelvic area, or it can radiate out of the pelvis into an overwhelming, full-bodied

rush. A friend of mine describes her clitoral orgasms beautifully, as being like a

glass of cool water that fills up slowly and, when it’s full, overflows down the sides

of the glass.

Physically, some of the following things may happen: your clitoris becomes engorged

and throbs, your heart rate speeds up, your toes curl, your vagina lubricates, your

pelvic floor contracts, your nipples turn to pebbles, your breathing changes, your

back arches, you claw your lover’s back…and you yell “eeee, yes, yes, oh God! Don’t

stop!”

If you have never had a clitoral orgasm, or you want to have more of them, what can

you do? The only correct answer to this question, or to any other questions about

female sexuality for that matter, is, “It depends.” You simply have to find what

combination of things work for you, and realize that whatever worked before can

change at any time. Begin by practicing alone masturbating. Here are some ideas

that could help:

 

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Pleasure Primer

 

• First and foremost, think positively, by replacing any negative thoughts with

positive thoughts.

• Stimulate your clitoris in whatever way feels best. Some women like indirect

stimulation, some direct, some to the right side or left side, top or bottom. You

don’t necessarily need to start with clitoral stimulation to have a clitoral orgasm.

Sometimes it’s best to start vaginally or labially and work towards the clitoris,

teasing slowly.

• I strongly recommend that you practice regularly. Once a month, or even once a

week isn’t enough. The more you practice, the quicker you will learn.

• Use a vibrator. Most women learn to come, or learn to have multiple orgasms, by

using a good sturdy vibrator, as it provides constant and steady stimulation. Start

by vibrating the back of your neck, forehead, hands, feet, thighs, and belly to warm

up.

• Masturbate with something (safe) inside your vagina: a dildo, toothbrush handle,

or a nice cool cucumber, etc.

• Relax. Don’t worry, be horny.

• Use music and do the orgasm dance. Just let go and have fun doing a horizontal

erotic dance. Let the music turn you on.

• Don’t analyze, fantasize. Let your analytical thoughts just pass right through

your pretty head. Fantasize unabashedly.

• Focus totally on the physical sensations you’re having. This can work even better

than fantasizing for some women. This is called “sensate focus” by sex therapists.

• Experiment with your breath. Hold it, breathe deeply, then try very fast and

shallow breaths. Not necessarily in that order. Breathing helps you focus on and

intensify the physical sensations.

• Read erotica, look at sexy pictures or watch a good porn movie.

• Undulate your hips. Try lifts and circles and bucking your hips as if into a lover.

• Use variety. Try face up, face down, on your side, standing, sitting, etc.

Alternate between extending your legs and bending your knees. Try masturbating in

a shoulder stand, on your tummy, in front of a mirror, in the bathtub, however you

can! Experimentation is the name of the game.

• Add Kegels.

• Lie with pillows under your buttocks, so your pelvis is raised higher than your

head. This can be a real turn-on.

• Pinch, pull and tickle your nipples. Hold your breasts in your hands, and squeeze

and roll them around the way a lover would. This can be a delightful distraction

from trying too hard to orgasm.

• Make sexy sounds! Moan, whisper, say “dirty” words to yourself or an imaginary

lover.

 

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• Go with the flow. Follow your body’s natural urges. If you feel an impulse to roll

over and hump the covers, do it. If you really listen to your body, it will let you know

what it needs and wants.

• Let yourself be wild, free and outrageous.

• Some women learn to have clitoral orgasms by working with a sex therapist. The

sex therapist will usually give you homework, exercises to practice at home alone.

You can contact the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and

Therapists for referrals. Also, now there are actually “orgasm coaches” who can sit

with you and watch how you masturbate and give you pointers. This can be highly

successful, fun, and a unique experience, although it’s not every woman’s cup of tea.

• Don’t give up too quickly. It’s likely that a few minutes are not long enough for

you. Hang in there for an hour if need be, or even longer. So, when practicing having

orgasms, take all the time you need. And take heart—the longer it takes to get

there, the better it can be!

• Try self-pleasuring with your vulva facing into a mirror. This can look really hot

and send you right over the edge.

 

Tips for the Dynamic Duo

 

If you find it very difficult to have a clitoral orgasm when you are having sex with a

lover, what can you do?

• First, think hard about why it might be difficult for you. Visualize your lover and

pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that arise. Do you have any fears or

concerns about coming with any lover, or just with that particular person? Are you

embarrassed about what turns you on? Afraid of too much intimacy or looking like a

crazy woman? Worried that you’ll mess up your eyeliner, wet the bed, or wake the

neighbors? Fear a heart attack or spontaneous combustion? You probably can intuit

the answer. Unrealistic fears aren’t serving you, so try to use positive thinking to

rise above them.

• Think about whether there are mechanical reasons you aren’t getting over the

hump. Are the ways in which your partner stimulates you optimal? Are you in the

position that feels best for you?

• Is your partner really taking enough time to stimulate you to orgasm? If not,

explain to your partner that it takes more time for you to reach orgasm. Do not be

afraid of alienating or turning off your lover—most people really want to please

their lovers.

• Tell your partner exactly what you like and want. You can do it! If you’ve

discovered, through solo research, what helps you to come, you must show your

lover the way. Once you begin sharing sexual information with your partner, it will

get easier and easier, until it feels as natural and necessary as talking about what

to make for dinner, but much more interesting and fun.

 

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• Let go of always needing to give. Kick back and totally receive, guilt free. Most

women have been taught that it’s “better to give than to receive.” In some

instances I’d agree—but when we take it so far as to feel we don’t deserve sexual

satisfaction, it’s time to throw out guilt-inducing ideas and receive, baby, receive!

• If you are having a relationship issue, clear it up before you get in the sack.

• If you are on anti-depressants or medications that make it hard to orgasm, talk

to your doctor about changing the kind you take. If you can’t reach orgasm for a

long time because of a drug’s side effects, you might get even more depressed and

anxious than you’d be without the darned pills!

• Lend your lover a hand! Massage your clitoris with your fingers, or with a

vibrator, during intercourse or even oral sex. I’ve never had a lover (and I’ve had

many) who didn’t like it when I massaged my own clit during sex, particularly when

they saw how good it made me feel.

• Add Kegels. Remember these can help stimulate you from the inside, and pump

up more volts of sexual energy.

• Think erotic thoughts. Besides being a turn-on, thinking erotic thoughts keeps

your mind off any worries, insecurities, mind chatter, or negative thinking.

• One thing you can do to help yourself orgasm with a partner is to simulate

partner sex a bit more when you masturbate. Often women have a specific, very

efficient pattern of masturbation to orgasm that works for them. But partner sex

is a different dance–so during your solo practice, move the way you’d move with

your lover, and act as if your partner is there.

• Do anything you can to get more turned on–within reason.

• If nothing else seems to work, you might want to consider the possibility that

the barrier between you and orgasm is biological. If you have pain when you orgasm,

you must discuss this with your gynecologist. If you are an older woman, perhaps

you need to consider hormone adjustments. Judy, the most orgasmic woman I’ve

ever met, was suddenly unable to have any kind of orgasm when she hit menopause.

She was devastated because she loved her orgasms. Her doctor suggested that she

try taking some natural hormone replacement, and she did. Almost immediately she

was back in the saddle again. Certainly many post-menopausal women also have

plenty of orgasms without any hormone replacement.

If you’ve tried all of the above, and you still are not having orgasms with your

partner, please remember that sex without having an orgasm can also be very

exciting and energizing. Simply enjoy not having orgasm. It’s perfectly fine and

normal and even sometimes desirable not to come. Think of it as building up the

charge for the next time you make love, or use the energy for cleaning the house,

or winning a boxing competition.

 

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Go Forth and Multiply Your Orgasms

 

The phrase “multiple orgasms” is a nebulous term, as it describes a variety of

experiences. It could mean having a clitoral orgasm, and a few minutes later having

another one. Or it could mean having several orgasms right in a row. It could mean

having many small orgasm waves with a big clitoral climaxing orgasm at the end.

Here’s something for you more experienced gals; can you distinguish between a

clitoral orgasm wave and a clitoral climaxing orgasm? If not, then here’s how to

learn.

Observe your body closely. Stimulate yourself to the verge of orgasm. Then let

yourself have some little short clitoral orgasms. Hold back the urge to have a big

one. See how many tiny orgasms you can have without letting yourself go all the way

over the ‘cliff.’ Then, after you’ve had several tiny orgasms, let yourself go for as

big a climax as you can. After you try this, you will very likely understand the

difference between an orgasm wave and a climaxing orgasm. A clitoral orgasm wave

is like standing in the ocean, bobbing up and down in about four feet of water with

small waves passing gently through you. A clitoral climaxing orgasm is more like

riding a huge wave all the way to the shoreline, until you come to a complete stop.

 

Vaginal Orgasms

 

I believe that most sexually active women who are enjoying penetration are having

what are popularly called “vaginal orgasms”, but they often don’t acknowledge them

as such because they expect them to feel like clitoral orgasms, and they simply

don’t. I was having g-spot and vaginal orgasms for years before I became conscious

that they were in fact orgasms. Once I realized that those feelings were orgasms,

I nurtured and developed them and let go of my confusion about them, and they

grew stronger and more distinct. Eventually I became quite clear as to what was an

orgasm, and what wasn’t. A simple pleasurable body rush wasn’t an orgasm, but a

very pleasurable energy release or explosion that swept over me at the end of an

arousal peak, was. For me it was a learning process—and a very pleasurable one at

that. I hope you will get the same rewards from your learning process.

In this category are orgasms which occur with vaginal penetration, be it with

penises, fingers, dildos, or a fresh green cucumber. These would include vaginal, gspot,

and cervical orgasms. The borders between these different kinds of orgasms

are blurry—but each kind has a slightly different feel. For me, a G-spot orgasm

feels electric and tingly. A cervical orgasm (which can occur when there’s repeated

pressure on the cervix, which is deeper in than the G-spot) feels like a bass drum

being hit and reverberating. A vaginal orgasm (it encompasses the whole vaginal

area including G-spot and cervix) feels like a big stone landing in a calm lake making

ripples. Ker-plop! However, these might feel differently for you.

 

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Tips for Deep Inside

 

If you want to learn how to have, or have more, vaginal orgasms, try some of these

tips:

• Realize that a vaginal orgasm is pretty easy to have. Don’t make it difficult. Call

whatever you think might be a vaginal orgasm, a vaginal orgasm. It very well could

be.

• Pay attention to those very first moments of penetration. If you are highly

aroused and ready, and your lover inserts a penis, finger, dildo or whatever inside

you, those first moments of penetration can trigger a vaginal orgasm—especially if

you haven’t had any sex in a while. Check it out.

• Try to learn to distinguish between energy building up and energy releasing or

exploding, simply by paying close attention.

• Ask your lover to start with slow penetration, then build it up to go as fast and

as hard as you can take it. Then stop suddenly. If you feel a nice energy release or

burst, that is likely a vaginal orgasm.

• Notice your sex sounds. If you suddenly scream at the top of your lungs, or

make a very deep loud groan, that could very likely be a vaginal orgasm of some kind.

• To trigger a G-spot orgasm, ask your lover to stimulate your G-spot area for a

good amount of time. Some women find firm pressure uncomfortable, but some

women report that they need a lot of very firm pressure on their G-spots to orgasm

from there. Some gals get triggered from being penetrated with a twisting motion

of the fingers or dildo, like a washing machine motion. Some gals come from a

feeling of being stretched open.

 

Blended Orgasms

 

These are when a woman orgasms with stimulation of her clitoris while being

stimulated vaginally and/or anally at the same time. Where this kind of orgasm

starts and ends is difficult to tell. One thing is certain, it’s a winner.

What a man or woman needs to remember to bring a woman to this kind of orgasm is

to build arousal levels, keep focused, keep a steady rhythm with only minor

adjustments, and just don’t stop!

 

2- ENERGY ORGASMS — LOOK MA, NO HANDS!

Nocturnal Orgasms: Snoregasms & Dreamgasms

 

Did you ever wake up from a deep sleep and find that you were having an orgasm,

and you weren’t even touching yourself or anything? The Kinsey Report found that

thirty-seven percent of American females had this experience at least once by the

age of forty-five. Kinsey called them “nocturnal orgasms.” I jokingly call them

“snoregasms.” Sometimes they are very mild, sometimes really strong. They

 

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sometimes occur with strong vaginal contractions, or they might not. Sometimes we

dream we are having an orgasm and wake up and we are. As there is no genital

stimulation, nocturnal orgasms are a great example of an ‘energy orgasm.’

 

A Group Energy Orgasm Story

 

At a certain point in my orgasm experiments, I and some of my peers discovered

that it was possible to simply lay down, with our clothes on, and just will ourselves

into a very yummy orgasmic state.

Once I experimented with this type of energy orgasm with a group of forty-five

women and men at the end of a week long erotic massage seminar I was teaching

called “Cosmic Orgasm Awareness Week,” at a northern California resort. By the

final hour of the seminar everyone was highly energized, excited and wound up. I

wanted people to leave fully satisfied, and sensed they still needed some release.

So, I invited them to “lie down, keeping clothes on, just relax, and without any

touching, let erotic feelings and energy rise to the surface.” Imagine, if you will, a

group of folks, lying on the floor, doing seemingly nothing, and then suddenly all

together they quiver into a simultaneous energy orgasm, starting slowly, peaking,

and then coming back down into an afterglow phase, lasting several minutes.

Everyone’s orgasm sounds mixed with giggles were the sweetest music I think I’ve

ever heard. By the time the workshop came to the very end (pun intended) everyone

was fully satisfied and quite amazed. It was so easy and natural—yet most of the

participants would have thought it impossible before actually doing it.

 

Thinking Off

 

If all this sounds hard to believe, there is scientific proof that this kind of thing

can happen. Sex researchers Beverly Whipple and Gina Ogden did a laboratory

study where they looked into the possibility of what they called “thinking off.”

They studied several dozen female volunteers who claimed they could have orgasms

without any genital stimulation. I was one of their volunteers. Hey, anything for

science.

In their laboratory at Rutgers University, they wired me up to several machines,

which would measure my physiological responses, such as my heart rate and vaginal

contractions. First I was instructed to have an orgasm in the “usual way,” by selfstimulating

my clitoris. So I did. After a few minutes break, they asked me to try

to have an orgasm without any physical stimulation. So I relaxed, fantasized sexual

energy building, and mentally opened my body and mind up to let orgasmic energy

build then and pulse through me. After a few minutes I had a release, an energy

orgasm. According to their machines, my body had some of the same physiological

responses as it did to the clitoral orgasm. Most of the other women they studied

 

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had similar results. They showed, scientifically, that some women can in fact “think

off.”

 

I think, therefore I orgasm

 

Here are some tips to learn how to “think off” and have energy orgasms:

• Realize that energy orgasms feel very different than clitoral orgasms.

• Believe that it is possible—otherwise it’s virtually impossible.

• Pay attention. Energy orgasms can be very subtle, as well as very intense. You’ll

know that energy is being released when you feel little quivers and quakes and

maybe some chills. These sensations are there for the asking, residing just below

the surface. All you need to do is let them bubble up, and pop! Dr. Ray Stubbs calls

these “light-body orgasm,” and notes that “they can be easily missed if we are not

looking for them.”

• Expand your definition. You can have various kinds of little microgasms, small

energy orgasms, while doing non-sexual activities that you find highly pleasurable.

Like riding fast on a motorcycle (“windgasms”), lying in the sun (“sungasms”), and

listening to Anita Baker sing (“eargasms”).

• Take some classes in Tai Chi, Chi Kung, Yoga, Karate, or any other discipline that

works with energy. Although usually there is no mention of energy orgasms in these

classes, they can help teach you about subtle energy.

• Fake it ‘til you feel it. Acting as if you are having an energy orgasm can lead you

into the actual experience.

• Use your mind and erotic thoughts to coax your body to respond orgasmically.

Call on your memories of how orgasm feels.

• Will your body to erotically shake like a leaf on a tree in the wind.

• Imagine that your heart area is opening up. I find that if I imagine that my

heart is opening up, creating a feeling of spaciousness, it can help open me up to

orgasmic energy.

• Watch someone who knows how to do it. The very best way to learn about

energy orgasms is to watch someone have them. There are several videos where

energy orgasms are demonstrated.

 

Amazing World of Orgasm, my friend Jwala demonstrates a doozie. The wonderful

DVD, Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy, has some excellent examples (as well as

other great information on how men can have long multiple orgasms without

ejaculating).

 

Breath Orgasms

 

If you look into the history of various ancient, sexually wise cultures, you will find

that people have been having breath orgasms for thousands of years. (Cultures such

as the Tantrics, Taoists, and some Native American cultures.) Knowledge of them

got suppressed and went underground because of the tyrannical oppression by antisex

fanatics. But everything old is new again, and today “breathgasms” are all the

 

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rage. Quite a few sexuality teachers are teaching breath orgasm techniques.

Besides feeling really good, they’re totally safe sex!

The first time I had a breath orgasm it came as a surprise—you could say it was an

electric shock! I was in a class learning a breathing technique called “rebirthing.”

Our group had been rhythmically breathing together for a couple of hours straight.

It felt good, and everyone was highly energized. Suddenly I felt electricity shoot

through my whole body, as if it had been plugged into an electrical outlet, and

became a conduit for orgasmic energy. Intensely pleasurable feelings came in

through my toes and shot out my fingers and the top of my head. It was the best

physical feeling I had ever had. It was far more intense than any clitoral orgasm I’d

had, and it kept going and going. Fortunately, the workshop leader had a sense of

what was happening to me and was supportive, letting me go with the experience. I

felt so much aliveness in my body, and all around me, and felt totally psychically

cleansed and revitalized for days. After that I was hooked, and started practicing

how to have breath orgasms. It took me a couple of years to really get the hang of

it, but sometimes people do learn how it works on their first try.

 

3. HYBRID ORGASMS — THE NEO CLASSICS

 

These orgasms occur with physical stimulation combined with an awareness of

energy orgasms.

 

Body-part-gasms

 

Years ago I had a delightful lover who just loved to suck my nipples. He’d suck them

for a long time, and suck them in a way that would turn me on incredibly. Then, wow,

suddenly it felt like my nipple was shooting electricity, and I screamed in ecstasy.

If you know what I’m talking about, then you’ve probably had “nipplegasms” too. If

you enjoy anal sex, you might at some point have had an “analgasm,” where you felt

like your anus happily exploded with the most beautiful fire works. (Some women,

and men, swear by them.) Some people orgasm in their lips just from extended

passionate kissing. Under the right conditions, you can in fact experience orgasm in

any erogenous part of your body, as you learned in the story about the man with the

spinal cord injury.

Here’s how to have a body-part-gasm:

a. Have your partner make love very intensely to one particular erogenous zone

for at least ten minutes; caressing, licking, sucking, biting, or whatever feels good.

b. With all your attention, imagine erotic energy building in that spot.

c. Watch for the moment where pleasurable energy releases from that spot, or

feelings of electricity shoot out. Those are body-part-gasms.

 

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We are equipped with starter buttons all over our bodies. It’s simply about getting

the right kind of stimulation and inspiration, then building to that energy release

phase, letting it happen and surrendering to the good feelings.

 

Body-to-body-gasms

 

Like rubbing two sticks together to make fire, the rubbing, humping, grinding of

bodies together with genitals against thighs or bellies can eventually ignite

incredible full-body energy orgasms. Sometimes this action is called “frottage”

(French word for rubbing,) “tribadism” (usually used to describe lesbians rubbing

their clits together,) or “dry humping” (when a man and woman make like they’re

having intercourse, but with the penis outside the vagina—hence “dry”–but this can

actually make you very wet).

Imagine your body is a big balloon. It inflates with energy when you passionately

and enthusiastically rub your body against your lover’s body. The deeper the

breaths you take, the more your body fills with the energy. Do this for a while.

When you feel really full of energy, tense your body tightly and hold your breath.

Then let yourself “pop” as you exhale. You may feel the energy release into an

orgasm.

 

The Megagasm

 

Now it’s time I told you about what I call the megagasm, the tsunami of orgasms.

As women, too often we spend time restraining our sexuality. We are conditioned to

make no disturbance. Moisture on the sheets or otherworldly sounds emanating

from our bodies are considered un-ladylike. Well, get ready all you un-ladylike

ladies—because the megagasm is for the woman who is ready to make a ruckus. It is

an intense, full-body, and beyond-the-body experience. An enormous tension release

occurs, to the point that you’re virtually unable to stand up or think for a while

after you’ve had one. I’ve had less than a dozen of these in my lifetime. One was

when we were filming my experimental sex film, Sluts and Goddesses. We captured

my megagasm on tape, so we were able to time it. It was five minutes long, very

intense, and not at all ladylike! My face looked as if I was having a baby.

 

Ride The Megagasm Wave

 

During a megagasm it can feel as if there is a lifetime of pent-up emotion bursting

free–and it is. You might feel a sensation of being “breathed by the Universe”,

your body open with electricity streaming through. You may experience lots of

tingling in your hands and lips, your jaw may chatter, and your lover may end up

having some kind of contact orgasm too. Just hold on tight, and ride, ride, ride that

humongous wild tidal wave of bliss.

 

 

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Some people get scared of, or are uncomfortable with, the force of a woman’s

megagasm—or, for that matter, her other orgasms. Women tell me they feel they

have to hold back the full force of their orgasms because their lovers can’t handle

it. That’s a crying shame. To begin resolving this issue I suggest that when you’re

not in bed, you talk with your lover(s) about their fears and concerns. Explain to

them how you feel, and that you want the freedom to really be the powerful volcano

that you are. Of course, you have to give yourself that freedom as well.

 

Megagasm Memo

 

It’s rather difficult to describe exactly how to have a megagasm, because women

and their lovers are all so different. But here are some notes about megagasms:

megagasms happen at times in your life when you need to release a lot of energy.

You have to be in the mood to have such an intense release. From what I have

gathered, megagasms don’t happen all that often. In my experience, megagasms are

brought about through very intense physical, sexual stimulation; very hard and fast

vaginal penetration combined with really strong and steady clitoral stimulation.

Sometimes they can be triggered by “erotic pain,” such as from biting, or

stretching the vagina wider.

Some women I know have had their megagasms from ‘fisting.’ Fisting is when

someone gets penetrated not just with fingers but with a whole hand. Then there’s

‘semi-fisting,’ where several fingers and part of the thumb are inside, but not going

past the knuckles. The stretching feeling can be really exciting for some folks, and

some need that intense stimulation to trigger their biggest orgasms.

Give yourself permission to delve as deeply as possible into your biggest and

strongest orgasm. Keep going beyond your threshold, beyond what you thought you

were capable of.

To have more powerful orgasms, get in touch with your physical power in places

other than the bedroom; practice karate, Tai Bo, kick boxing, wild dancing, etc.

Just a few lessons can have a big impact. Be willing to express your power. Let the

lion inside you roar!

Remember, don’t let any of this information make you feel inadequate if you have

not yet experienced any of these kinds of orgasms. You are at the right place at

the right time in learning about your orgasms. Perhaps you’ve had various kinds of

orgasms that I haven’t even touched upon.

 

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4. GENERATE, MOVE, AND USE SEXUAL ENERGY WITH YOUR BREATH

 

If a person were to playfully mimic someone having sex, they would probably begin

by panting and exaggerating the standard breathing pattern. Anyone who has

received (or made) an ‘obscene’ phone call, or who has engaged in phone sex, knows

the routine. During the human sexual response cycle normal breathing speeds up and

builds to a rapid pace, the breath is held for a few moments before/during a

climax, after the climax there is a long exhale, and then the breath slows down and

gradually returns to normal. Breathing during sex is something people are aware of,

but are not usually taught to use consciously.

Deep, conscious, rhythmic breathing creates pathways for ecstasy energy to travel

throughout your whole body, providing a more full-bodied sexual experience and

amplifying sensations. In a nutshell, ECSTASY TRAVELS ON THE BREATH. Lovers

can speed up their breathing to increase excitement or slow it down to prolong

enjoyment.

 

Panting For More

 

It doesn’t take a sex manual for lovers to discover the bliss to be had from

spooning when combined with synchronized breathing, or alternate breathing. (One

breathes in while the other breathes out, and back and forth.) Some lovers enjoy

the intimate act of breathing in and out of each other’s mouths, which I consider a

form of EnergySex intercourse— ‘penetration’ of the lungs with the breath. It’s a

delightful way to have your lover inside you.

There are many different techniques that work well to enhance sexual feelings.

Ecstasy Breathing is my absolute all time favorite, which is the next sexsercise I

invite you to try. It’s an advanced technique. Some folks resonate with it and get it

right away, and for others it can take a long time to learn. First let me tell you

about how I learned it.

Through the grape vine, I’d heard stories about an incredibly knowledgeable Native

American shaman and spiritual teacher, who presented some very intense and brave

sexuality workshops. His name was Harley Reagan Swiftdeer. I was intrigued, so I

pitched doing a story about one of his “Quodoshka” workshops to my editor at

Penthouse magazine. Next thing I knew I was in a small suburb in snowy Michigan,

in a big house with about 40 other workshopees. We spent several days learning

many interesting things, trying various techniques and sharing our experiences. But

it was at the end of the workshop that I learned the most valuable lesson for me,

the fire breath orgasm.

 

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The “fire breath” (not to be confused with the “breath of fire” in yoga) is an

ancient breathing technique where you lay down and breath into ecstasy, and

sometimes into a full bodied “energy orgasm.” Harley’s wife and assistants first

demonstrated this for us. They lay on the floor in the shape of a wagon wheel with

their clothes still on, heads all pointed together, and started breathing

rhythmically…and a few minutes later they were writhing in absolute ecstasy. It

may sound impossible—but seeing was believing. They looked as if they were being

made love to by invisible beings. Their ecstasy and energy orgasms kept going and

going for a long time. I had to learn!

It took me almost a year to really get the hang of the fire breath orgasm, but once

I really got it I came to love it and have used it often, including while making love.

Years later now, I have modified and simplified the fire breath orgasm technique to

teach it in my own way, in what I now call ‘ecstasy breathing.’ It’s based on the fire

breath orgasm, but is somewhat different. I have taught ecstasy breathing to many

people. It’s very exciting to do in a group, as there’s much more energy and a coach

to keep you breathing ecstatically. We usually breathe for about 45 minutes. It’s a

wonderful way to spend an evening, believe me.

The best way to learn this technique is to have someone demonstrate it for you live

first and then teach it to you. Many people now practice and teach ecstasy

breathing, and the fire breath orgasm, all over North America, Europe and

Australia. If you’re interested and you look around you can probably find someone

to teach you.

You’ll need to breathe for about fifteen to forty five minutes to really experience

this fully. Put some nice rhythmic music on your stereo. Turn down any lights.

Unplug the phone.

Lie down on a flat, firm surface, such as a hard bed, a carpet, matt, or on a soft

lawn. Don’t use a pillow because it works best with your neck and head flat. Bend

your knees, putting your feet flat on the ground. Take some moments to empty your

mind and relax your body.

1. Begin to take deep, rhythmic breaths. Inhale through your nose and fill your

belly and lungs with your breath, so that they fill up like a balloon. Then exhale

through your mouth as if you are blowing out birthday candles. Make the breathing

completely circular and continuous with no pauses between the inhalations and

exhalations. Put any accent on the exhale. Get into a nice, slow rhythm. Then add a

pelvic rock, arching your lower back on the inhale, flattening it on the exhale.

Undulate your pelvis as if you are having intercourse. Add some gentle Kegels on

 

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some of your exhales. These squeezes help make it more erotic and pump up your

sexual energy.

2. Light the fire in your genitals. Keep breathing rhythmically. Think of it as an

erotic dance and let your body do what it naturally wants to do. Just don’t stop.

Keep breathing. Undulate your spine from top to bottom. Let your head and neck

roll around loosely.

3. Genitals to belly. Use your mind and imagination to pull energy in between your

legs from the atmosphere into your genital area. Breathe it upwards to your belly.

Fill your belly with your sexual energy. Go back down between your legs and gather

in more. Circle that energy around from the genital area to the belly, back and

forth.

4. Belly to heart. When the areas below your waist are charged up and the fire is

burning, go to the next level, to your heart. Circulate energy from belly to heart.

Spend several minutes breathing at each level.

5. Heart to throat. Now bring your energy up to your throat. Let some moans and

groans emerge. Remember, sounds build energy. Make lots of sounds. High pitched

sounds, all kinds of sounds. Bring the energy up your body, breathing faster now.

6. Throat to third eye. Next bring your energy up to the third eye area (the area

between your eyebrows), from the heart to the third eye and back again. To get

the full effect, you’ll need to breathe from 15 minutes to an hour.

7. Third eye to out the top of your head. Speed the breathing up to high gear as

if you are in the heat of passion. Then pull the energy up out the top of your head.

At this point pull the energy up through your legs into your body and out the top of

your head in one whole body stream. Make high-pitched sounds. Roll your eyes up

into the back of your head to help pull the energy further up. Have fun with it. See

how much pleasure and ecstasy you can generate from breathing your sexual energy

up into and through your body.

8. Advanced Ecstasy breathing. Keep breathing heavily, and see if you can take

yourself into an ‘energy orgasm’ or an orgasmic state.

9. When you feel complete, just relax, and bask in the afterglow. Take plenty of

time to enjoy it.

 

 

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A Message to Consumers

 

• At first learning this technique might feel mechanical, just like when you’re

learning techniques for playing tennis, or violin. But with some practice your body

will eventually be able to do it quite effortlessly.

• It’s very helpful to use your hands and arms to coax and direct the energy.

Circle them over the areas you are breathing from and to.

• Energy levels will rise and fall like mercury in a thermometer. You might have

moments where you suddenly feel like you have lost your connection with your

energy. You can always go back down between your legs and gather more sexual

energy and bring it back up again, at any time.

• If you are breathing deeply for a while and your body is not used to it, you

might experience what is called “tetany”. Your hands and/or mouth area may feel

funny, frozen, and tingly. This occurs when the energy hits blocks in your body.

Don’t worry! These feelings will go away once you slow down your breath or breathe

less deeply. This will likely only happen the first few times you practice ecstasy

breathing.

• Sometimes while you are breathing and in an erotic state you may also want to

cry, cough or gag, or you might feel old painful memories surfacing. Don’t be afraid

of this: moving energy up your body can be like having a wonderful psychic enema.

It’s a cleansing and it’s good for you. As you keep breathing, have a cry, or pound

your fists by your side, or growl. Let your feelings out and bathe them in ecstasy.

These “blocks” will pass through, and then there will be more room for more

ecstasy to come into your body.

• If you feel too light-headed or too dizzy, slow down the breathing a bit. Be sure

you are putting the accent on the exhale only. Relax the inhale with blowing out

candles sounds.

• Your experience will vary depending on how you feel in the moment and on each

particular day. If you feel tired, you might have a very quiet experience. If you

have a lot of feelings to express, it might be very emotional. If you are excited, it

can feel super erotic. Ecstasy breathing will intensify whatever feelings are inside

you. And the more you breath, the more you feel. It’s your life. Why not live it to

it’s fullest?

For me, learning this technique ultimately made partner sex much more ecstatic and

fulfilling, because it taught me how to feel, generate, and move sexual energy in a

very clear and physical way. It’s also a natural high, a great substitute for harmful

addictions. It helped me to quit smoking. I have used it many times when I need

some healing.

It’s sexual healing, so it actually feels good. For example when my heart was broken,

ecstasy breathing helped me move the pain and sadness out of my body. I’ve used

ecstasy breathing to gain insight into a question, as it helps me access inner wisdom.

 

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For example, when I needed to move to a new city I asked the question “where

should I move?” did the breathing, and got a clear answer. So it can be used as a

sort of shamanic journey. I’ve also had some of the most amazing full body energy

orgasms to where it felt like I was being breathed by the forces of creation, and so

electric it was like my body was plugged into an electrical outlet. Ecstasy breathing

can be a wonderful profound and deep experience, giving one the feeling of making

love to the Universe. I highly recommend it!

Again, don’t be discouraged if you don’t experience the benefits of ecstasy

breathing right away. It might take some practice. However just learning that such

a thing as this

is possible is a seed that has been planted in you. One day that seed might just

sprout into something… spectacular.

 

IN CUM-CLUSION

 

Okay, let me guess what you might be thinking. You’ve read through this orgasm

sampler but you still feel resistant to some of these ideas about orgasm. You just

don’t buy this new expanded view, or that you can orgasm without genital

stimulation. How do you really know that some of the things I’ve described aren’t

possible, just because maybe you haven’t experienced them? Does an orgasm have

to be limited to a certain sensation? Why can’t an orgasm be very subtle, seem to

start from somewhere other than the genitals, or make us feel a wide variety of

ways?

Over the years I have taught women about the wide variety of orgasms in dozens of

workshops and private sessions. Some of them were resistant at first too, but

eventually they ‘came’ to understand. We start by planting little seeds, first

learning that new things are possible. Eventually the ideas grow and turn into

realities. I encourage you to keep an open mind, actually try some of the things I’ve

suggested, and see for yourself what happens. If not much happens then consider

that perhaps maybe it will at some future time.

A big part of making over your sex life involves making over your thinking. The

power of the mind is awesome—once we change our thinking, our bodies will follow.

 

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Your Orgasm Homework

 

For the next month, as an experiment, try calling more of your detectable

pleasurable sexual energy explosions “orgasm.” You can do this yourself privately,

or share this experiment with your lover. See if by the end of the month you are

feeling and being more orgasmic and experiencing some interesting new sensations.

 

What’s Next?

 

Experiment, explore, and play. Write about your thoughts and experiences, or

videotape yourself talking about your impressions. Together, our amazing world of orgasm will continue to

expand, on and on, forever.